Sunday, October 2, 2011

ARTTSL Hall of Fame

Newcastle are going to need a new trophy cabinet....




Note: No Second Division competition in 2010 or 2011, no Pre-Season Trophy in 2011.






Newcastle Win Second Consecutive ARTTSL Premiership

Newcastle have cemented their place in Rebound Table Tennis history with a crushing 11-6 win over the Gold Coast on a wet Grand Final afternoon in a packed Ozbid Stadium in Newcastle.

Gold Coast fans hoping to turn the tables on Newcastle after last year's Grand Final disappointment were shaken from the outset as Newcastle raced to an early 4-1 lead on their first service set.

Gold Coast managed to somewhat stabilise on their serve to pull back to 4-6 at the break, and 5-6 after Newcastle's first service point of the second half.

However Newcastle then pushed into overdrive, winning the next four points to lead 10-5, and eventually run out winners 11-6.

The loss is rumoured to have caused further ructions in the already-unstable Gold Coast club, with rumours circulating that players were drinking and partying into the early hours of last night at their Newcastle motel.

Gold Coast players, and Coach Dwane Heard, also clearly defied 24-hour media and technology ban by posting comments on the ARTTSL website last night. More to come on that breaking story as details emerge.

Newcastle have now won consecutive Premierships, and have firmed their image as the model club of ARTTSL after just two years in First Division. Newcastle also won the ARTTSL Second Division Premiership on their first attempt in 2009.

The question now is can anyone stop Newcastle in 2012? Little is known of what form the competition will take next year, whether Wilkington Tuffy will stick with the current 20-team First Division line-up, whether he will seek to rationalise the competition and/or re-introduce the controversial Second Division, whether the mysterious HyperBall threat re-emerges, what of the rumours of a team named the Southern Bundy Crushers, and what will controversial figures Jimmy Spring and Angus and Patsy do next?!

And the big question: Is Bernard Elksteine really dead?

Thank you for your support and interest during ARTTSL Season 2011. Don’t forget to renew your club memberships for 2012.




ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Grand Final Result
Newcastle 11 d Gold Coast 6 at Newcastle

Newcastle Set to Cement Legacy

Newcastle are set to cement their place in the Rebound Table Tennis history books in today's ARTTSL Grand Final, as they attempt to win their second consecutive ARTTSL Premiership, and their third consecutive competition victory.

Newcastle entered and won the inaugural 2009 ARTTSL Second Division season. At the time, major-city teams such as 2009 Premiers Melbourne and runners-up Brisbane were emerging as the form sides.

However with the progression of expansion sides such as Newcastle and Gold Coast-Tweed to First Division, the tables began to turn. Newcastle defeated Gold Coast-Tweed in the 2010 First Division Grand Final, while Brisbane and Melbourne both missed the finals, finishing equal 7th and 11th respectively out of twelve First Division teams.

This year again sees Newcastle the home favourites against what is now the Gold Coast (having shed the Tweed), with Melbourne and Brisbane again missing the finals, finishing 9th and 12th in the 20-team 2011 competition.

The results are a tribute to the ARTTSL expansion program, which this year saw non-capital city clubs in the top 8 this year.

The Grand Final hits off at 1pm today at Ozbid Stadium, Newcastle. Crowds are already flocking to the stadium for pre-match entertainment, despite heavy rain which has left the table and ground soaked.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Grand Final Teams Go Into Lockdown

The Gold Coast Grand Final squad arrived in Newcastle this morning, travelling in a pair of helicopters chartered from Gold Coast Airport.

Both sides are now in lockdown, with limited media access ahead of tomorrow's Grand Final.

The Newcastle side is based at the Newcastle Rebound Table Tennis Dojo in the city's west. while the Gold Coast are rumoured to be staying in a motel with a convertible table tennis table in its games room. The Gold Coast lodgings were arranged by Newcastle RTTC Management.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Grand Final
Newcastle vs Gold Coast at Newcastle
Sunday, 2 October 2011, 1:00pm, Ozbid Stadium, Newcastle

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Top 10 Moments of ARTTSL Season 2011

It's a been a great year, and no doubt an exciting Grand Final to come on Sunday.

But first, let's take a quick look back and count down the top ten on- and off-table moments that helped to shape ARTTSL Season 2011 as arguably the most exciting ever.

10: Wilkington Tuffy Hospitalised with Pneumonia

9: Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam underwear photo released

8: Tuffy attacked by hotdog-wielding maniac at Leichhardt Oval

7: Tuffy announces 20-team competition for 2011, with Tweed Heads excluded

6: Mysterious video "Hitler Reacts to the Death of Bernard Elksteine" appears on YouTube

5: Big Peter Jackson passes out in Canberra

4: Gold Coast defeat Minor Premiers Sydney in Semi Final

3: Illawarra's 9-match winning streak, and 7-match losing streak

2: Jimmy Spring returns to Australia, signs with Perth

1: Patricia Elksteine hooks up with playboy Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam

Meanwhile, the traditional Grand Final breakfast is due to take place tomorrow at ARTTSL Headquarters in Phillip Street, Sydney.

Unlike previous breakfasts under the reign of the late Bernard Elksteine, which were televised, Wilkington Tuffy has declared the event will be closed to the public and the media to avoid a repeat of past embarrassing incidents, in which players frequently ate and drank too much at the breakfast.

Tuffy announced only today that the event will be held to fulfill tradition, but will be intentionally kept low-key and kept to a one-hour maximum.

"We've had our fair share of controversy already this year", Elksteine added.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Gold Coast Depose Sydney, Set Up 2010 Grand Final Rematch

The Gold Coast have pulled off the upset of the season, defeating Minor Premiers Sydney at Stadium Australia, and setting up a repeat of the 2010 Grand Final scenario against Newcastle next weekend.

The Gold Coast settled in well on Sydney's first serve, then took control of the match from their own service game, leading 5-2 at one stage. Although Sydney pulled the gap back to 4-6 by half time, the Gold Coast were able to stretch the gap out to 9-6 before their final serve.

Sydney seemed to find form again as they came back to 9-10, but the Gold Coast closed out the match with a clean winner by captain and server Jason Wood, a serve some are calling the serve of the season. You really had to be there.

The Gold Coast will no doubt be out to avenge last year's Grand Final loss to Newcastle, after which their joint venture with Tweed Heads collapsed. Newcastle will attempt to continue their perfect run as a relatively young club, which has seen them win the 2009 ARTTSL Second Division Premiership in their inaugural year, followed by the ARTTSL First Division Premiership in 2010.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Semi Final Results
Newcastle 12 d Canberra 10 at Newcastle
Gold Coast 11 d Sydney 9 at Sydney


ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Grand Final
Newcastle vs Gold Coast at Newcastle
(Sunday, 2 October 2011, 1:00pm, Ozbid Stadium, Newcastle)

Friday, September 23, 2011

Newcastle Hold Out Valiant Canberra

First Semi Final Result: Newcastle 12 d Canberra 10 at Newcastle

Newcastle has secured their second straight Grand Final berth, and the chance to win consecutive ARTTSL Premierships, with a tough 12-10 win over Canberra.

Canberra looked poised and hungry, and Newcastle made the surprise decision to receive first after winning the toss, seemingly to distract Newcastle captain and receiver big Roscoe Roosevelt (the Big Mal of Rebound Table Tennis), who has been in damaging form throughout the finals series.

The tactic appeared to backfire though as Roosevelt came out firing when Newcastle did serve, and put away four clean winners to put Canberra ahead 6-4 at half time.

The match appeared to be heading for a boil-over as Canberra went ahead 9-7, only for Newcastle to claw back to 10-all, forcing the match into extra time.

Newcastle finally seemed to click into top gear, taking the next two points to seal the match 12-10.

Newcastle will play the winner of tomorrow night's match between Sydney and the Gold Coast in next Sunday's Grand Final. If Sydney win, the Grand Final will take place in Sydney (at the Sydney Stadium of Football given that Stadium Australia is being used for the NRL Grand Final).

If the Gold Coast win, the Grand Final will move to Newcastle. This would set up an enticing re-match of last year's Grand Final, in which the then Gold Coast-Tweed went down 11-8 in Newcastle. The following day the Tweed Heads side of the joint venture sensationally withdrew to defect to the National HyperBall League, and was subsequently excluded from this year's ARTTSL competition when HyperBall collapsed.

Second ARTTSL Semi Final: Sydney vs Gold Coast (at Sydney)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Quarter Final Results

The Gold Coast have ended Singapore's season, and will play Sydney in the second Semi Final next week, after a nail-biting 11-9 home win.

Singapore came out firing and took an early 4-1 lead, before the Gold Coast clawed back to 4-6 at half time. The match then ran very close up to 9-all, before the Gold Coast closed it out with two brilliant returns of serve.

The top four teams have won all of their finals matches so far, and will now go head to head over the following two weeks to decide the 2011 ARTTSL Premiers.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Quarter Final Results
Canberra 11 d South New Zealand 6 at Canberra
Gold Coast 11 d Singapore 9 at Gold Coast




ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Semi Final Fixtures
Newcastle vs Canberra at Newcastle
Sydney vs Gold Coast at Sydney

Friday, September 16, 2011

South NZ and Big Peter Jackson Overcome in Canberra

Canberra have overcome South New Zealand to move to a Semi Final against Newcastle next week.

The match in Canberra was hindered by a thick blanket of smoke caused by a major chemical fire nearby, which threatened to cause a match delay. However ARTTSL officials decided at the last minute to go ahead, despite protests from South New Zealand, after their mascot The Big Peter Jackson was overcome by fumes and had to be rushed to hospital.

The match went ahead with both sides looking evenly poised, or if anything South New Zealand slightly on top, at 5-all at half time. However South New Zealand, like their mascot, collapsed, losing four of their next five serves to ultimately lose 11-6.

Tomorrow sees the second Quarter Final, with Singapore travelling to the Gold Coast, the winner of which will play Sydney in the second Semi Final.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Sydney Scrape Home Against Defiant Geelong

Sydney have secured their place in the Semi Finals in two weeks' time after holding out a defiant Geelong side who pushed them all the way to 8-all, before Sydney finally overpowered them 11-8 at Stadium Australia in front of 80,000 supporters.

The result means Geelong join Illawarra in exiting this week, while Sydney and Newcastle will enjoy the week off.

In next week's Quarter Finals, Canberra will play South New Zealand (winner to play Newcastle) and Gold Coast will play Singapore (winner to play Sydney).

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Qualifying Finals Results
Gold Coast 11 d South New Zealand 6 at Gold Coast
Canberra 11 d Singapore 7 at Canberra
Newcastle 11 d Illawarra 5 at Newcastle
Sydney 11 d Geelong 8 at Sydney



ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Quarter Finals Fixtures
Week off: Sydney / Newcastle
Canberra vs South New Zealand (at Canberra)
Gold Coast vs Singapore (at Gold Coast)

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Illawarra's season over, Singapore on edge

Illawarra's season of see-sawing fortune is over after a resounding 11-5 loss to Newcastle.

Newcastle went ahead from the outset and were never troubled by their southern steel city counterparts. Newcastle are now guaranteed next week off and a home match in the Semi Finals in two weeks' time.

Earlier Canberra cruised to an 11-7 win over Singapore in the nation's capital. Singapore must now await the result of the Sydney-Geelong match tomorrow to find out if their season is also over.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Qualifying Finals Results (so far)
Gold Coast 11 d South New Zealand 6 at Gold Coast
Canberra 11 d Singapore 7 at Canberra
Newcastle 11 d Illawarra 5 at Newcastle
Tomorrow night: Sydney vs Geelong at Sydney

Friday, September 9, 2011

Gold Coast Cruise Amid Tweed Protest

The Gold Coast have won the first ARTTSL Premiership 2011 Qualifying Final with an ultimately comfortable 11-6 win over South New Zealand.

The match was marred by a sit-in protest by supporters of the Tweed Heads franchise, who sensationally split from the joint venture with Gold Coast after last year's Grand Final loss, and were then excluded from ARTTSL competition in 2011.

The Tweed fans had purchased tickets to the match but then forced their way onto the pitch and refused to move. After a brief stand-off with security, the group was cordonned off and the match was conducted as per usual. The silent protest was loudly booed vehemently by Gold Coast supporters.

The match was tight in the first half with South New Zealand leading on occasions, however Gold Coast hit their stride in the second half with five consecutive points to push to an 11-6 win.

Tomorrow sees the second and third Qualifying Finals with Canberra hosting Singapore in the afternoon and Illawarra travelling to Newcastle for the evening match. The round wraps up on Sunday afternoon with Sydney playing Geelong at Stadium Australia, which was disappointingly hacked up by tonight's disappointing first NRL Qualifying Final.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Tuffy Gets Horse On Trotter Over Cleaning Bill

ARTTSL President Wilkington Tuffy has held angry talks with NRL CEO David Trotter over a cleaning bill.

Both codes will stage finals matches at Stadium Australia this weekend: Western Suburbs and Illawarra will play the first NRL Qualifying Final on Friday night, followed on Sunday night by the Australasian Rebound Table Tennis Super League's (ARTTSL) fourth Qualifying Final, between Minor Premiers Sydney and 8th-placed Geelong. Both matches are tipped to fill the stadium to its 80,000 capacity.

The stadium contract provides for detailed cleaning at the end of each weekend. Clubs utilising the stadium for home matches are usually requested, out of goodwill, to provide a sufficient clean-up to allow any following matches to be undertaken in a safe and clean environment.

However the NRL's Western Suburbs, who are the hosts of the NRL match as the highest-qualifying team, have refused to guarantee to undertake the clean-up, on the basis that if they had their way they'd have been hosting their home final at their home ground in Campbelltown.

After initial discussions between Western Suburbs and Sydney RTTC management quicky broke down, and even threatened to turn violent, the matter was elevate to the codes' respective leaders to thrash out.

After several hours of tense talks, a compromise of sorts was reached, whereby students from local high schools will be bussed in to clean up the stadium on Sunday morning, in return for the right to attend the ARTTSL match for free on Sunday night.

However Tuffy was not entirely satisfied with the solution, as he said it would still present risks for contractors on Saturday who would be installing the perspex table in the middle of the pitch ready for the Sunday night match. Tuffy explained that it wasn't possible to set up the table on the day due to the extensive calibration required for competition-grade Rebound Table Tennis tables.

Tuffy's willingness to accept the compromise is again seen as indicative of the difference between himself and former ARTTSL President, the late Bernard Elksteine, who would no doubt have fought the matter all week if necessary, including taking it to court.

Tuffy briefly told the media outside the NRL Headquarters in Phillips Street, "Let's hope the kids have a good day. We'll try to put on a good show for them".

Western Suburs CEO Tommy Rawdonnikiss was less conciliatory. "#### 'em. What sort of nancy-pants sport is Rebounce Table Tennis (sic) anyway? #### 'em. Where's me smokes?"

Sunday, September 4, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Qualifying Final Fixtures

After 19 rounds all teams have played each other once, and we move to the finals series for the ARTTSL Premiership 2011.The finals series follows the standard McIntyre Final 8 System. Week one (Qualifying Finals) matches are below:

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Qualifying Finals
Gold Coast [4th] vs South New Zealand [5th] (at Gold Coast)
Canberra [3rd] vs Singapore [6th] (at Canberra)
Newcastle [2nd] vs Illawarra [7th] (at Newcastle)
Sydney [1st] vs Geelong [8th] (at Sydney)


ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 19 Results

Brisbane were the victims of the final-round squeeze for the top 8, losing 11-6 to the top-4 Gold Coast outfit, leaving them in 9th place behind Illawarra and Geelong.

Tasmania's disappointing season was capped off with an 11-3 thrashing by Ipswich in Hobart. The match was remarkable for the fact that Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam actually played for Tasmania as first receiver. While he has some raw skills with the bat, he was not a logical inclusion and is not a professionally-accredited Rebound Table Tennis player. One can only assume he pulled strings with his influence as a member of the Featherlite-Blowingpam, who own the Tasmania franchise.

There is also speculation that Featherlite-Blowingpam plans to release an album in a few months, with girlfriend Patricia Elksteine playing keyboard.

Sydney secured the minor premiership with an 11-7 win over North New Zealand in Auckland. They will play Geelong in the first week of the Finals. Geelong would be disppointed after going down 11-3 at home to Canberra, slipping from 6th to 8th on the table. Had Brisbane defeated the Gold Coast, Geelong's season would already be over.

Perth went down narrowly 11-9 to South New Zealand, having this week sensationally sacked Rebound Table Tennis legend Jimmy Spring over his failure to turn the side into a premiership force. Spring's comeback to the sport appears to be in tatters.

Darwin were left holding the wooden spoon after 11-5 loss to Greater Blacktown in Blacktown.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 19 Results
Greater Blacktown 11 d Darwin 5 at Blacktown
Sydney 11 d North New Zealand 7 at Auckland
Singapore 14 d Melbourne 12 at Singapore
Gold Coast 11 d Brisbane 6 at Brisbane
Ipswich 11 d Tasmania 3 at Hobart
South New Zealand 11 d Perth 9 at Perth
North Queensland 11 d Sunshine Coast 8 at Townsville
Newcastle 11 d Adelaide 8 at Newcastle
Illawarra 11 d North Melbourne 5 at Wollongong
Canberra 11 d Geelong 3 at Geelong




Monday, August 29, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 18 Results

One week to go before the finals. Down to Sydney and Newcastle for Minor Premiership.

Top four is certain to be Sydney, Newcastle, Canberra, Gold Coast (not in that order).

Can Illawarra leap-frog Brisbane or Singapore for 8th place?

Greater Blacktown and Darwin are equal last on 8 points and play each other so they will effectively play off for the dishonour of the wooden spoon.

Angus will play more with Patsy, and we'll try not to play too much with that story, but we can never guarantee we won't be tempted to take another dip in the honeypot of Rebound Table Tennis controversy.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 18 Results
South New Zealand 11 d Geelong 8 at Christchurch
Newcastle 11 d Melbourne 4 at Melbourne
North Melbourne 11 d Greater Blacktown 4 at North Melbourne
North Queensland 11 d Darwin 4 at Darwin
Gold Coast 11 d Singapore 2 at Gold Coast
Adelaide 11 d Illawarra 4 at Adelaide
Ipswich 11 d Perth 6 at Ipswich
Canberra 11 d Brisbane 4 at Canberra
Sunshine Coast 11 d North New Zealand 6 at Maroochydore
Sydney 11 d Tasmania 8 at Sydney


ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 19 Fixtures
Greater Blacktown vs Darwin (at Blacktown)
North New Zealand vs Sydney (at Auckland)
Singapore vs Melbourne (at Singapore)
Brisbane vs Gold Coast (at Brisbane)
Tasmania vs Ipswich (at Hobart)
Perth vs South New Zealand (at Perth)
North Queensland vs Sunshine Coast (at Townsville)
Newcastle vs Adelaide (at Newcastle)
Illawarra vs North Melbourne (at Wollongong)
Geelong vs Canberra (at Geelong)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 17 Results

Premiers Newcastle have stamped their authority as favourites for the 2011 Premiership with a hard-fought 11-9 win over 2010 runners-up Gold Coast (formerly Gold Coast-Tweed).

The match was neck-and-neck to 6-6 before the Gold Coast raced to a 9-6 lead, only for Newcastle to pull off a remarkable come-back by winning 5 consecutive service points to seal the match.

Sydney remain 2 points clear of stong-finishing Newcastle on top of the table, after crushing Perth 11-5. The match was most remarkable though for the late omission of Jimmy Spring from the side, apparently on the basis of poor performance, having failed to lift the side as expected this year, with Perth now languishing in 16th place, well out of contention for the finals. Perth have not commented on whether it will extend Spring's one-year contract, but sources indicate that it is possible they will elect not to. This would spell a sour end for Spring's comeback. The chances of yet another club signing him to take such a risk at his age seems unlikely to most.

Illawarra finally ended its 7-match losing streak with an 11-8 win over Melbourne in Wollongong. The win sees Illawarra sneak back into the top 8 again.

With two matches remaining, only Sydney and Newcastle are assured a place in the final 8. A close bunch of teams extends from Canberra (3rd) on 24 points down to South New Zealand (9th) on 20 points. Melbourne and North Queensland still have some slim hope of making the finals, if they can win both of their final matches and a few of those above them lose.

For all teams below 11th place, their hopes of playing September Table Tennis are dashed. North Melbourne have managed to climb off the bottom of the table after consecutive 11-7 wins over North New Zealand and North Queensland. The results should provide a boost for the club as it prepares for its second ARTTSL season in 2012. This leaves Darwin in last place on for-and-against behind Greater Blacktown.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 17 Results
Canberra 11 d South New Zealand 9 at Christchurch
Sydney 11 d Perth 5 at Perth
Illawarra 11 d Melbourne 8 at Wollongong
Tasmania 11 d Sunshine Coast 4 at Launceston
Adelaide 12 d Greater Blacktown 10 at Blacktown
North New Zealand 11 d Darwin 9 at Wellington
North Melbourne 11 d North Queensland 7 at Cairnes
Geelong 11 d Ipswich 9 at Geelong
Singapore 11 d Brisbane 6 at Singapore
Newcastle 11 d Gold Coast 9 at Newcastle



ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 18 Fixtures
South New Zealand vs Geelong (at Christchurch)
Melbourne vs Newcastle (at Melbourne)
North Melbourne vs Greater Blacktown (at North Melbourne)
Darwin vs North Queensland (at Darwin)
Gold Coast vs Singapore (at Gold Coast)
Adelaide vs Illawarra (at Adelaide)
Ipswich vs Perth (at Ipswich)
Canberra vs Brisbane (at Canberra)
Sunshine Coast vs North New Zealand (at Maroochydore)
Sydney vs Tasmania (at Sydney)

Monday, August 15, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 16 Results

3 weeks to go. Illawarra out of the top eight after 7 straight losses. Bugger. Lots of questions being asked down the coast. Seems Wayne Bennett's not the only one at risk of being hauled out of Port Kembla station on a flat-bed train carriage behind the Newcastle Express.

Newcastle v Gold Coast next week should be a cracker.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 16 Results
North Melbourne 11 d North New Zealand 7 at North Melbourne
Sunshine Coast 11 d Perth 6 at Maroochydore
Newcastle 11 d Brisbane 7 at Brisbane
Adelaide 11 d North Queensland 5 at Adelaide
Gold Coast 11 d Illawarra 4 at Gold Coast
South New Zealand 12 d Ipswich 10 at Ipswich
Tasmania 11 d Darwin 6 at Darwin
Sydney 11 d Geelong 3 at Sydney
Melbourne 11 d Greater Blacktown 9 at Melbourne
Singapore 11 d Canberra 9 at Canberra



ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 17 Fixtures
South New Zealand vs Canberra (at Christchurch)
Perth vs Sydney (at Perth)
Illawarra vs Melbourne (at Wollongong)
Tasmania vs Sunshine Coast (at Launceston)
Greater Blacktown vs Adelaide (at Blacktown)
North New Zealand vs Darwin (at Wellington)
North Queensland vs North Melbourne (at Cairnes)
Geelong vs Ipswich (at Geelong)
Singapore vs Brisbane (at Singapore)
Newcastle vs Gold Coast (at Newcastle)

Monday, August 8, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 15 Results

Only 4 weeks to go and former table leaders Illawarra are on the cusp of dropping out of the top 8 after 6 straight losses.

South NZ broke back into the top 8 by downing leaders Sydney.

Premiers Newcastle now looking able to challenge Sydney for P1.

Anyone got any news on Angus and Patsy? Apparently they missed Tassie's big win over North Melbourne in Hobart.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 15 Results
Gold Coast 11 d Greater Blacktown 4 at Blacktown
South New Zealand 11 d Sydney 7 at Christchurch
Perth 12 d Darwin 10 at Perth
Tasmania 11 d North Melbourne 7 at Hobart
Melbourne 11 d North Queensland 8 at Townsville
Newcastle 11 d Singapore 6 at Newcastle
Adelaide 12 d North New Zealand 10 at Auckland
Ipswich 13 d Canberra 11 at Ipswich
Geelong 11 d Sunshine Coast 8 at Geelong
Brisbane 11 d Illawarra 6 at Wollongong



Monday, August 1, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 14 Results

Hi all,

Wilkington Tuffy is on leave.

Here are the Round 14 results. Sorry I'm not very good at this. I'm normally the Groundsman.

Hey who saw the F1 last night? Great race. Seb stinks. Was cheering for Lewis, I feel dirty. But I'm the groundsman so you get that. Check out my new roses at ARTTSL HQ. Nice flower boxes too. Wilky might seem nicer than Bernie but he's still extracting hideous volumes of money from the dodgy Franchise Agreements with the teams.

Too much information?

Anyway I think this week's ARTTSL round was alright, not as important as last week. Illawarra lost again. North Melbourne are stuffed. Tassie got a win. Something about that Angus guy, I can't remember much I was drunk on the job at the time.

Regards,Glenathon McCrossan (A/Director)

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 14 Results
Gold Coast 11 d North Queensland 2 at Gold Coast
Tasmania 11 d Adelaide 7 at Adelaide
Greater Blacktown 12 d Brisbane 10 at Brisbane
Sunshine Coast 11 d South New Zealand 8 at Maroochydore
Perth 11 d North Melbourne 3 at North Melbourne
North New Zealand 11 d Melbourne 7 at Melbourne
Newcastle 11 d Canberra 6 at Canberra
Singapore 14 d Illawarra 12 at Singapore
Geelong 11 d Darwin 9 at Darwin
Sydney 11 d Ipswich 5 at Sydney

Monday, July 25, 2011

Round 13 Results: Sydney Crush Canberra To Go #1

In the most crucial round of the 2011 ARTTSL Championship Season, Sydney have crushed Canberra 11-5 in front of a packed house at the Aiser Arena.

Both sides went into the match as 1 and 2 on the table, having only lost one match each this year. The game looked to be evenly matched up to 3-3 before Sydney took control and won 7 consecutive points to leave Canberra floundering.

In the other big matches of the round, Newcastle stretched Illawarra's losing streak to four matches with an 11-7 win in Wollongong, while Brisbane surged late to beat North Queensland 11-9.

Albeit a narrow loss it saw North Queensland drop out of the top 8 again, with a bottleneck forming around the finals cut-off area with only 6 rounds to go.

Tasmania finally managed a long-awaited win, inspired by the surprise return of Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam and Patricia Elksteine from Europe, both sporting summer tans and looking relaxed, as the home side romped to an 11-5 victory. The rest of the Featherlite-Blowingpam family were again notably absent from the match, and rumours are swirling that they may be considering selling their beloved franchise to distance themselves from Angus's antics.

Next week sees another set of crucial matches, the highlight being the clash between 2nd-placed Canberra playing 3rd-placed Newcastle.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 13 Results
Brisbane 11 d North Queensland 9 at Cairnes
South New Zealand 11 d Darwin 7 at Christchurch
Gold Coast 11 d North New Zealand 2 at Wellington
Perth 14 d Adelaide 12 at Perth
Ipswich 11 d Sunshine Coast 7 at Ipswich
Tasmania 11 d Melbourne 5 at Launceston
Geelong 11 d North Melbourne 9 at Geelong
Newcastle 11 d Illawarra 7 at Wollongong
Singapore 11 d Greater Blacktown 3 at Blacktown
Sydney 11 d Canberra 5 at Sydney

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Round 12 Results: Planets Align for Round 13 Showdowns

The planets seem to have aligned as we look towards Round 13 of the 2011 ARTTSL Championship, which coincidentally will see 1st (Canberra) play 2nd (Sydney), 3rd (Newcastle) play 4th (Illawarra), and 5th (Brisbane) play 6th (North Queensland).

Mathematician Paul Thompson says it is not necessarily an entire coincidence, but that there may be an underlying numerical symmetry in the way the draw was programmed. "This can happen when automatically generating draws. One way to overcome this is to randomly shuffle the rounds as a fine step, but it seems Wilkington Tuffy didn't consider this, unfortunately. This is probably also why there were few top-of-the table clashes in the earlier rounds of the season".

The match of Round 12 was Canberra's epic win over Illawarra in Canberra. Canberra jumped to an early 5-2 lead before Illawarra squared it 5-all at half-time. Canberra made another break to 9-6, only for Illawarra to claw back again to square it 10-all. The sides then traded points on serve until Canberra finally prevailed 16-14.

In the other major clash, North Queensland consolidated their place in the top 8 with a hard-fought 12-10 win over Singapore. By contrast Singapore have now slipped out of the top 8.

Canberra and Sydney are now 4 points clear of their nearest rivals as they prepare for their Round 13 clash. No doubt the winner will be clear favourites to secure the Minor Premiership with just 6 rounds to go after this weekend, before the finals series.

Tasmania now languish 19th on the table after a dismal 11-5 loss to the Gold Coast. Meanwhile Angus and Patsy remain unaccounted for. Recent rumours suggest they may currently be continuing their holiday in Cyprus, having been tracked down by the media in Spain.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 12 Results
Darwin 11 d Ipswich 9 at Darwin
Melbourne 12 d Perth 10 at Melbourne
Adelaide 11 d Geelong 9 at Adelaide
Newcastle 11 d Greater Blacktown 6 at Newcastle
North New Zealand 11 d Brisbane 5 at Brisbane
Gold Coast 11 d Tasmania 5 at Gold Coast
Canberra 16 d Illawarra 14 at Canberra
North Queensland 12 d Singapore 10 at Singapore
Sydney 12 d Sunshine Coast 10 at Maroochydore
South New Zealand 13 d North Melbourne 11 at North Melbourne


Saturday, July 16, 2011

Featherlite-Blowingpam Underwear Photo Released

An undisclosed source has defied the still-active suppression order and released the long-awaited photo of Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam dancing in his underwear at the Normanby Hotel in Brisbane in June this year.

Featherlite-Blowingpam and Patricia Elksteine remain unaccounted for since apparently boarding a Europe-bound plane in Singapore two weeks ago.

The alleged second photo, of Featherlite-Blowingpam and Elksteine dining in Sydney, has yet to surface, however as the couple have since gone public with their relationship the holder of the photo may see little value in holding it.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

ARTTSL Championship 2011, Round 12 Fixtures

The match of the round sees previous table leaders Illawarra, undefeated for 9 rounds before losing two in a row, travelling to Canberra to play the new table leaders.

After breaking into the top 8, 7th-placed North Queensland will try to keep on their roll against 8th-placed Singapore.

Struggling Tasmania travel to the Gold Coast to play the strong but inconsistent 2010 Grand Finalists. They still haven't found Angus and Patsy either.

ARTTSL Championship 2011, Round 12 Fixtures
Darwin vs Ipswich (at Darwin)
Melbourne vs Perth (at Melbourne)
Adelaide vs Geelong (at Adelaide)
Newcastle vs Greater Blacktown (at Newcastle)
Brisbane vs North New Zealand (at Brisbane)
Gold Coast vs Tasmania (at Gold Coast)
Canberra vs Illawarra (at Canberra)
Singapore vs North Queensland (at Singapore)
Sunshine Coast vs Sydney (at Maroochydore)
North Melbourne vs South New Zealand (at North Melbourne)

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Round 11 Results: North Queensland Break Into Top 8

North Queensland have finally broken into the top 8 after beating 2010 Premiers Newcastle in a 14-12 thriller in Townsville.

Illawarra have continued their slide, losing their second match of the season 11-9 to lowly-placed expansion side Greater Blacktown in Blacktown.

Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam and Patricia Elksteine were notably absent from Tasmania's 11-7 loss to Brisbane in Hobart. The couple are now rumoured to be holidaying in Amsterdam on a "serious drug binge".

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 11 Results
North Queensland 14 d Newcastle 12 at Townsville
Greater Blacktown 11 d Illawarra 9 at Blacktown
Brisbane 11 d Tasmania 7 at Hobart
South New Zealand 11 d Adelaide 9 at Christchurch
Sydney 11 d Darwin 8 at Sydney
North New Zealand 11 d Singapore 8 at Auckland
Ipswich 11 d North Melbourne 9 at Ipswich
Geelong 11 d Melbourne 8 at Geelong
Perth 14 d Gold Coast 12 at Perth
Canberra 11 d Sunshine Coast 7 at Maroochydore

Thursday, July 7, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 11 Fixtures

In the match of the round, after toppling the previously-undefeated Illawarra last weekend, North Queensland hope to finally break into the top 8 with a win over 2010 Premiers Newcastle in Townsville.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 11 Fixtures
North Queensland vs Newcastle (at Townsville)
Greater Blacktown vs Illawarra (at Blacktown)
Tasmania vs Brisbane (at Hobart)
South New Zealand vs Adelaide (at Christchurch)
Sydney vs Darwin (at Sydney)
North New Zealand vs Singapore (at Auckland)
Ipswich vs North Melbourne (at Ipswich)
Geelong vs Melbourne (at Geelong)
Perth vs Gold Coast (at Perth)
Sunshine Coast vs Canberra (at Maroochydore)

Monday, July 4, 2011

Round 10 Results: North Queensland Break Illawarra Win Streak

North Queensland are the team to finally bring Illawarra's unbeaten run in 2011 to an end, defeating the table leaders 11-6 in Wollongong.

The result drops Illawarra to 3rd on the table, behind new leaders Canberra and second-placed Sydney on points difference. It also elevates North Queensland to 9th on the competition table, poised to break into the top 8, being only 9th on points difference and having hovered just out of the top 8 since Round 1.

Tasmania suffered another double-embarrassment, losing 11-6 in Singapore and in the meantime losing track of Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam and Patricia Elksteine, who attended the match, again against family wishes, then returned to the airport and disappeared. The couple are rumoured to have boarded a flight to Paris for a romantic getaway to escape the intense media scrutiny of their private lives.

Canberra were lucky to hold on and take the competition lead after a titanic struggle with now-19th-placed Greater Blacktown saw them just scrape home 12-10.

Sydney also just scraped home 12-10 against a resurgent North Melbourne, after intially taking an comfortable half-time lead of 7-3.

The Gold Coast continued their inconsistent form in 2011 with a significant 11-4 loss to Geelong. The result sees Geelong surpass the Gold Coast on the table, with the teams now 7th and 8th on the ladder respectively.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 10 Results
Brisbane 11 d Perth 9 at Brisbane
Melbourne 11 d South New Zealand 8 at Melbourne
Canberra 12 d Greater Blacktown 10 at Canberra
Sydney 11 d North Melbourne 9 at North Melbourne
Newcastle 11 d North New Zealand 5 at Newcastle
North Queensland 11 d Illawarra 6 at Wollongong
Adelaide 11 d Ipswich 8 at Adelaide
Singapore 11 d Tasmania 6 at Singapore
Geelong 11 d Gold Coast 4 at Gold Coast
Darwin 11 d Sunshine Coast 7 at Darwin

Saturday, July 2, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 10 Fixtures

Brisbane vs Perth (at Brisbane)
Melbourne vs South New Zealand (at Melbourne)
Canberra vs Greater Blacktown (at Canberra)
North Melbourne vs Sydney (at North Melbourne)
Newcastle vs North New Zealand (at Newcastle)
Illawarra vs North Queensland (at Wollongong)
Adelaide vs Ipswich (at Adelaide)
Singapore vs Tasmania (at Singapore)
Gold Coast vs Geelong (at Gold Coast)
Darwin vs Sunshine Coast (at Darwin)




Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Henry Bird Interviews Illawarra Coach Aaron Merriman

Respected Rebound Table Tennis columnist Henry Bird sat down with Illawarra coach Aaron Merriman to talk about his side’s amazing start to the season, recent scandals that have rocked the sport, and crooner Tony Bennett! Here’s what he had to say…

Henry Bird: Aaron. What a turn-around. From wooden spooners in 2010, to undefeated table leaders after 9 round in 2011. What’s the secret?

Aaron Merriman: The secret? OK there are a few, I might get to some, but most of all we’ve just been playing great Rebound Table Tennis. Really focussing on the basics you know, keeping the ball in play and not getting too fancy except at the right time. Last year we were often guilty of being fairly erratic and trying to win each point too quickly. Young Jammie Maybin was a great off-season signing, he comes off the bench and adds the spark we needed at the right time.

HB: And the secret?

AM: OK, maybe there aren’t many. (pause) Alright there’s one I’ll tell you. Remember the reports the Goulburn HyperBall side were practicing with rolled up tin-foil because they couldn’t afford table tennis balls? Well, we heard about that and we had an idea: What if we try it, just for fun. And we found when the players practiced that way for a few days, then switched back to regular table tennis balls, the re-simplification meant their game just lifted.

HB: Any insights on how that worked?

AM: Well I think the re-simplification as I said, and I suppose it’s like the young Bradman practicing with a cricket stump and a golf ball against a water tank, you force your eye to become more attuned. I’m really happy with it, it’s a bit of an innovation which contributes to the sport overall, we’ll share that technique more at the end of the season maybe… may if we win the Premiership. Maybe.

HB: You were facing relegation to Second Division at the end of last season. All the Second-Division sides defected to HyperBall. Were you ever tempted to join them?

AM: Well personally no, I never consciously thought to be tempted, but we were tempted as you might say by external forces. We had visits from nameless HyperBall reps, not only at the club they came to my house, and a few of the players’ houses. It was pretty bizarre. They tried on the honey and the vinegar. First they’d make an offer to sign you personally, then when that didn’t work they’d offer to pay you under the table to lobby the club to defect, then when you still refused they’d start suggesting if we didn’t defect they’d make us all redundant by setting up a rival side in the Illawarra region. At one point they said they’d look at acquiring the West Wollongong Rebound Table Tennis club and building it into a viable side.

HB: You’re joking? They thought West Wollongong could field a viable professional side? It’s just a local amateur dojo with about 20 players.

AM: They were crazy times. I think they were desperate. And in the end our solidarity with ARTTSL was vindicated because we weren’t left high and dry with no funding for several months like the clubs that initially defected. To be honest I think they were bloody lucky Wilky (ARTTSL President Wilkington Tuffy) accepted them back and didn’t just scrap them, well except Tweed Heads, who were the worst of them after the split with the Gold Coast, seriously they had it coming. It’s ironic we played with tin foil anyway but that was our choice, our finances were just fine the whole way through. I think by rejecting the distraction we were able to get on with developing our team in the off-season and now here we are top of the table after nine weeks. It’s a nice feeling. We played it with a straight bat so we can hold our heads up. Also I suppose it’s worth adding that we knew if we stayed true ARTTSL would probably spare us the relegation to Second Division, which turned out to be somewhat true as they abolished the whole concept.

HB: What do you make of the Featherlite-Blowingpam scandal?

AM: I think it’s all bullshit. (stops to sip his coffee, then waits patiently for the next question)

HB: No other comment?

AM: No. Well OK I just think that Angus is a little snot who needs to be sorted out, and his parents have a lot to answer for. It's your typical Baby Boomer/GenY disaster story. It’s dragging the whole sport down. Tasmania were like the other defectors, they’re lucky to still be here. They should be more appreciative of what they have and get their house in order. I heard that Angus passed out next to the spa the other day from intoxication, if someone associated with this club did that they'd be out the door. Those distractions mean you're less likely to win games, they're 16th on the table I think and even that's probably more than they deserve.

HB: Right. Well moving on. Um. What next?...

AM: You seem to have lost your place…

HB: Yeah sorry, um, oh… I understand the team’s had some inspirational words from (crooner) Tony Bennett. How did that come about?

AM: (laughs) It wasn't the plan. We were actually hoping to get (St George Illawarra coach) Wayne Bennett in to say a few words to the boys, but Margaret on the front desk doesn't know much about Rugby League...

HB: ... what, so she called Tony Bennett?!

AM: No, she actually called Tony Barber, but when he answered she said "Hi, is that Tony Bennett?" Well, it turns out Tony Barber has Tony Bennett's number on his mobile for just such occurrences - it happens a lot apparently - so he gave her Tony Bennett's direct number. Tony Bennett was confused but intrigued, he knows nothing about Rebound Table Tennis as a professional sport so thought he'd take the gig to find out more. Apparently he's a bit of a garage ponger himself. So we got the team in the boardroom and teed up a teleconference. Tony spoke to them about what it takes to be successful, how he overcame adversity, all the usual stuff. Then he did a rendition of our club song, "Who? Illawarra!" over the phone in his classic style. It was pretty bizarre and we had a bit of a chuckle afterwards. I think Margaret saw the funny side mostly. Actually I've heard Tony Barber took her to lunch as she's a big fan and was disappointed he wasn't coming to the club himself.

HB: Aaron Merriman, thanks for your time.

AM: No wuckers.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Featherlite-Blowingpam-inspired Tassie Cause Near-Boilover

Tasmania have almost produced the upset of the season in a dramatic clash with Newcastle in Launceston.

The controversy-racked Featherlite-Blowingpam family went through with their decision not to attend the match, to avoid the media spotlight, all that is except young Angus, who arrived unexpectedly five minutes before the match with Patricia Elksteine.

The couple formally outed their relationship and answered media questions after the match, but not before the Angus-inspired Tasmania players almost toppled 2010 Premiers Newcastle, running away to an early 5-2 lead. Newcastle, however, rallied and just scrambled home for an unconvincing 12-10 win.

The Featherlite-Blowingpam family were reportedly shocked at Angus's surprise attendance but such is becoming the norm for the unpredictable young Angus.

Meanwhile over in Wellington, Illawarra stretched their unbeaten run to 9, comfortably defeating North New Zealand 11-4.

The in-form Gold Coast continue their climb up the ladder, now sitting in 6th place after accounting for South New Zealand 11-4 in Christchurch.

At roughly the half-way point in the season, a small breakaway group seems to be forming at the front, comprised of Illawarra (18 Points), Canberra (16), Sydney (16), Newcastle (14), Brisbane (12), Gold Coast (12). Behind them the competition is fairly tight, stretching back to six teams equal-last on 4 points. The race for the last few top-8 positions is shaping as an interesting one as we head towards the business end of the season.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 9 Results
Canberra 11 d Darwin 4 at Darwin
Newcastle 12 d Tasmania 10 at Launceston
Geelong 11 d Brisbane 4 at Geelong
Singapore 11 d Perth 3 at Perth
Ipswich 11 d Melbourne 8 at Ipswich
North Queensland 11 d Greater Blacktown 9 at Cairnes
Gold Coast 11 d South New Zealand 4 at Christchurch
Sunshine Coast 11 d North Melbourne 4 at Maroochydore
Sydney 11 d Adelaide 4 at Sydney
Illawarra 11 d North New Zealand 4 at Wellington

Thursday, June 23, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 9 Fixtures

As we head towards the half-way point in the regular season, undefeated table leaders Illawarra travel to Wellington to play 13th-placed North New Zealand.

The Featherlite-Blowingpams will allegedly miss their Tasmania franchise's match with 2010 Premiers Newcastle to avoid further media scrutiny, until the scandal involving their son Angus and Patricia Elksteine blows over. If so it will be the first time the entire Featherlite-Blowingpam family have missed a match since Tasmania entered ARTTSL competition as Hobart in 2009.

ARTTSL Championship 2011, Round 9 Fixtures:
Darwin vs Canberra (at Darwin)
Tasmania vs Newcastle (at Launceston)
Geelong vs Brisbane (at Geelong)
Perth vs Singapore (at Perth)
Ipswich vs Melbourne (at Ipswich)
North Queensland vs Greater Blacktown (at Cairnes)
South New Zealand vs Gold Coast (at Christchurch)
Sunshine Coast vs North Melbourne (at Maroochydore)
Sydney vs Adelaide (at Sydney)
North New Zealand vs Illawarra (at Wellington)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Stupendously, Illawarra Win Again! Angus F-P Watches On

Illawarra have taken their unbeaten run in the 2011 ARTTSL Championship to eight matches, this time beating the controversy-racked Featherlite-Blowingpam-owned Tasmania 11-5 in Wollongong.

Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam, recently romantically linked with the late Bernard Elksteine's widow Patricia, was this time present at the match, having last week allegedly been photographed dancing in his underwear at the Normandy Hotel in Brisbane. Angus appeared mostly detached as he sat beside his staunch mother, Greteska Featherlite-Blowingpam, family matriarch, and appeared to feign a conversation on his mobile phone when reporters approached him at the end of the match.

Meanwhile the Gold Coast finally broke into the top 8, defeating Ipswich 11-7 at home.

Both Canberra and Sydney are holding on to Illawarra's coat-tails just one win (2 points) behind, having accounted for North Queensland 11-7 and Melbourne 11-7 respectively.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 8 Results
Gold Coast 11 d Ipswich 7 at Gold Coast
Sydney 11 d Melbourne 7 at Melbourne
Geelong 12 d Singapore 10 at Singapore
Darwin 12 d North Melbourne 10 at North Melbourne
North New Zealand 11 d Greater Blacktown 4 at Blacktown
Canberra 11 d North Queensland 7 at Canberra
Illawarra 11 d Tasmania 5 at Wollongong
Adelaide 12 d Sunshine Coast 10 at Adelaide
Newcastle 11 d Perth 9 at Newcastle
Brisbane 11 d South New Zealand 5 at Brisbane

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Wilkington Tuffy Hospitalised With Pneumonia

ARTTSL President Wilkington Tuffy is the latest celebrity to be hospitalised with pneumonia.

ARTTSL Management released a short statement indicating the President will be in hospital for a number of days but competition will continue as normal. Tuffy continues to work from his bed in Sydney's Westmead Hospital.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 8 Fixtures
Gold Coast vs Ipswich (at Gold Coast)
Melbourne vs Sydney (at Melbourne)
Singapore vs Geelong (at Singapore)
North Melbourne vs Darwin (at North Melbourne)
Greater Blacktown vs North New Zealand (at Blacktown)
Canberra vs North Queensland (at Canberra)
Illawarra vs Tasmania (at Wollongong)
Adelaide vs Sunshine Coast (at Adelaide)
Newcastle vs Perth (at Newcastle)
Brisbane vs South New Zealand (at Brisbane)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

BREAKING NEWS: Has Patricia Elksteine Found New Love?

Photographs have surfaced of Patricia Elksteine, widow of late Rebound Table Tennis Supremo Bernard Elksteine, dining and looking "more than happy" with soldier and socialite Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam.

The photographs, which allegedly show the couple enjoying fish and chips with an "unidentified companion", were submitted to several major newspapers late last week, however their publication has been withheld after ARTTSL President Wilkington Tuffy successfully applied for a Suppression Order through the Supreme Court on the basis that they would hurt the ARTTSL brand.

The photographs allegedly show the couple enjoying fish and chips "and each other", at the Aquarius Seafood Cafe in Sydney, as they appear to be a couple in the early stages of an intense relationship.

Angus is a relatively young member of the prominent Featherlite-Blowingpam family, which owns the ARTTSL Tasmania franchise. The family is also well known in social circles and Angus, approximately 15 years Patricia Elksteine's junior, is a full-time member of the army.

Angus is known to be "shy and well-mannered", however he is also prone to moments of poor judgement. As such the scandal deepened on Sunday night as Angus was allegedly photographed dancing in his underwear at the Normandy Hotel in Brisbane with members of the Brisbane ARTTSL side. He was as such notably absent from Tasmania's match with Greater Blacktown at Hobart, in which they went down narrowly 11-9. These photos are also covered by the current Suppression Order.

The Suppression Order suppresses the release of all photos related to the scandal, however legal advice indicates such Orders are frequently overturned on appeal. Wilkington Tuffy spoke briefly to the media.

"Patricia Elksteine's romantic life is her own business, however the Featherlite-Blowingpam's are owners of an ARTTSL Franchise so I would like to keep this situation under control until we can look into any risks of conflict of interest arising from such a relationship. That's my job as ARTTSL President, I need to protect the interests of Patricia Elksteine and the brand her late husband built so successfully. I'd like to speak to Patricia to clarify the matter but haven't been able to as yet, but I expect she'll contact me in due course. Once this is all resolved I strongly recommend we leave them to conduct their lives as they wish. I hope the photographs are destroyed".

Bernard Elksteine was found dead in his Maroochydore home in July 2010, after dying of a heart attack. However rumours have since arisen that he is alive and well in Morocco, having faked his own death. Patricia Elksteine has to date been reported to be in deep state of mourning and unable to leave the house for long periods of time. She has also frequently stated publicly that she believes Bernard did not die of a heart attack, but was murdered by one of his many enemies in the Rebound Table Tennis world.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 7 Results

Illawarra have miraculously pulled off their seventh straight victory, again by 2 points, this time against Perth.

The visitors looked in trouble down 5-2 before rallying to win 3 straight points, taking the match to 5-all at half time. Perth again pulled slightly ahead but Illawarra came back to 9-all then toook the final two points to win 11-9.

Meanwhile previous table leaders Brisbane suffered their second-straight defeat, this time thrashed by Ipswich in a lop-sided Brisbane local derby. The result was also marred by its connection to an as-yet-unclarified scandal involving a member of the Featherlite-Blowingpam family, who apparently danced in his underwear at the Normanby Hotel while partying with the losing Brisbane side. Rumours are swirling linking young Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam to Bernard Elksteine's widow, Patricia Elksteine.

Featherlite-Blowingpam was as such notably absent in Hobart as his family's Tasmania franchise went down 11-9 to Greater Blacktown.

Adelaide finally managed their first win of the season, comfortably beating Darwin 11-5. In the process Adelaide lifted themselves off the bottom of the table and handed the provisional wooden spoon to Darwin on points difference.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 7 Results
Adelaide 11 d Darwin 5 at Darwin
Ipswich 11 d Brisbane 3 at Ipswich
South New Zealand 11 d Singapore 8 at Christchurch
Illawarra 11 d Perth 9 at Perth
North New Zealand 11 d North Queensland 6 at Auckland
Sydney 11 d Gold Coast 4 at Sydney
Canberra 11 d North Melbourne 7 at North Melbourne
Greater Blacktown 11 d Tasmania 9 at Hobart
Sunshine Coast 11 d Melbourne 9 at Maroochydore
Newcastle 11 d Geelong 4 at Geelong

Thursday, June 9, 2011

ARTTSL Championship 2011 - Round 7 Fixtures

Round 7 sees undefeated competition leaders Illawarra travel across the country to take on Ian McGovern, Jimmy Spring and the boys in Perth. After a slow start to the season, Perth have managed two wins in a row and there are signs of more to come. Can they finally bring Illawarra's dream run of 6 narrow wins from 6 matches to a halt?

Meanwhile Sydney Entertainment Centre has sold out already for the match between Sydney and the hard-charging Gold Coast, who have won their last four matches and are on the cusp of breaking into the top 8 on the back of form that took them to last year's Grand Final as Gold Coast-Tweed.

ARTTSL Championship 2011 - Round 7 Fixtures
Darwin vs Adelaide (at Darwin)
Ipswich vs Brisbane (at Ipswich)
South New Zealand vs Singapore (at Christchurch)
Perth vs Illawarra (at Perth)
North New Zealand vs North Queensland (at Auckland)
Sydney vs Gold Coast (at Sydney)
North Melbourne vs Canberra (at North Melbourne)
Tasmania vs Greater Blacktown (at Hobart)
Sunshine Coast vs Melbourne (at Maroochydore)
Geelong vs Newcastle (at Geelong)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 6 Results

Illawarra are the surprise front-runners after the first 6 rounds of the 2011 ARTTSL Premiership, being the only team to win 6 from 6. It was another narrow win, this time edging out Geelong 11-8 in front of a capacity crowd in Wollongong. With a total points difference of +15, Illawarra are only averaging wins of 2.5 points per match, but a win is a win.

It is a much unexpected situation for the club who finished last on the 2010 ARTTSL First Division ladder and faced certain relegation to second division this year, but gained a reprieve when the Divisional system was abolished after the resolution of that phase of the Rebound Table Tennis War. A 2011 Finals berth seems almost certain now so long as Illawarra can manage just a few more wins in the remaining 13 rounds.

Previous joint leaders Brisbane suffered their first defeat of the season, going down 11-7 to Sydney at home.

Gold Coast continue their impressive run of four straight wins after losing their first two matches, and have now moved up to the cusp of final contention in 9th place.

2010 Premiers Newcastle suffered their second defeat of the season, narrowly losing a 16-14 thriller at home to South New Zealand, in a spiteful and sometimes-violent encounter that included several table collapses.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 6 Results
Melbourne 11 d Darwin 8 at Melbourne
Sydney 11 d Brisbane 7 at Brisbane
Illawarra 11 d Geelong 8 at Wollongong
North Melbourne 11 d Adelaide 4 at Adelaide
Singapore 11 d Ipswich 8 at Singapore
Perth 11 d Greater Blacktown 7 at Blacktown
Canberra 11 d North New Zealand 9 at Canberra
North Queensland 11 d Tasmania 8 at Townsville
Gold Coast 11 d Sunshine Coast 7 at Gold Coast
South New Zealand 16 d Newcastle 14 at Newcastle

Thursday, June 2, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011 - Round 6 Fixtures

The highlight of Round 6 is ironically the bottom-of-the-table clash between Adelaide, the only side not to have won a match in 2011, and North Melbourne, who are second-last after one win and four major losses to give them a minus-19 points difference.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011 - Round 6 Fixtures
Melbourne vs Darwin (at Melbourne)
Brisbane vs Sydney (at Brisbane)
Illawarra vs Geelong (at Wollongong)
Adelaide vs North Melbourne (at Adelaide)
Singapore vs Ipswich (at Singapore)
Greater Blacktown vs Perth (at Blacktown)
Canberra vs North New Zealand (at Canberra)
North Queensland vs Tasmania (at Townsville)
Gold Coast vs Sunshine Coast (at Gold Coast)
Newcastle vs South New Zealand (at Newcastle)





Monday, May 30, 2011

Round 5 Results: Illawarra and Brisbane still on top

Brisbane and Illawarra remain the only undefeated teams after 5 rounds of the 2011 ARTTSL Championship.

Perth finally got their first win of 2011, crushing North Queensland 11-0, as Jimmy Spring finally started to find some form off the bench.

In another lopsided result, Sydney beat Singaore 11-0 in Sydney in front of a capacity crowd that included former NSW Premier Kristina Kh'neally.

The only team yet to manage a win now is Adelaide.

2010 runners-up Gold Coast (minus Tweed Heads) continue their climb back up the ladder after their third successive win, following losing their first two matches of the season.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 5 Results
Gold Coast 12 d Darwin 10 at Darwin
Perth 11 d North Queensland 0 at Perth
Sydney 11 d Singapore 0 at Sydney
Greater Blacktown 11 d Geelong 5 at Geelong
Illawarra 13 d South New Zealand 11 at Christchurch
Newcastle 11 d Ipswich 3 at Ipswich
Canberra 11 d Adelaide 3 at Adelaide
North Melbourne 11 d Melbourne 8 at North Melbourne
Brisbane 11 d Sunshine Coast 2 at Maroochydore
Tasmania 11 d North New Zealand 7 at Launceston

Thursday, May 26, 2011

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 5 Fixtures

Can Illawarra and/or Brisbane continue their great start to the season and make it 5 from 5?

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 5 Fixtures:
Darwin vs Gold Coast (at Darwin)
Perth vs North Queensland (at Perth)
Sydney vs Singapore (at Sydney)
Geelong vs Greater Blacktown (at Geelong)
South New Zealand vs Illawarra (at Christchurch)
Ipswich vs Newcastle (at Ipswich)
Adelaide vs Canberra (at Adelaide)
North Melbourne vs Melbourne (at North Melbourne)
Sunshine Coast vs Brisbane (at Maroochydore)
Tasmania vs North New Zealand (at Launceston)

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Round 4 Results: Brisbane, Illawarra Undefeated

Brisband and Illawarra remain the only sides undefeated after the first four rounds of the 2011 ARTTSL Premiership.

Brisbane comfortably accounted for Darwin 11-6 in Brisbane, while Illawarra narrowly beat a hard-fighting Ipswich in extra time, 13-11 in Wollongong.

Premiers and last week's leaders Newcastle were upset at home by Sydney 11-9.

Rumours are intensifying that Jimmy Spring's return to Rebound Table Tennis is under threat after Perth fell to its fourth straight loss, this time 12-10 to North New Zealand in Wellington.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 4 Results
North New Zealand 12 d Perth 10 at Wellington
Sydney 11 d Newcastle 9 at Newcastle
Brisbane 11 d Darwin 6 at Brisbane
Melbourne 11 d Adelaide 6 at Melbourne
Gold Coast 11 d North Melbourne 7 at Gold Coast
North Queensland 11 d Geelong 9 at Cairnes
South New Zealand 11 d Greater Blacktown 7 at Blacktown
Canberra 12 d Tasmania 10 at Canberra
Illawarra 13 d Ipswich 11 at Wollongong
Singapore 11 d Sunshine Coast 7 at Singapore

Thursday, May 19, 2011

ARTTSL Round 4 Fixtures

Round 4 of the 2011 ARTTSL Premiership kicks off this weekend with North New Zealand hosting Perth in Wellington. Rebound Table Tennis Legend Jimmy Spring will again play off the bench as he tries to regain match form and Perth hope to finally get their first win for 2011. Ian McGovern remains Perth captain. North New Zealand are also yet to win a match this year.

Rumours have swirled this week that Perth may not be satisfied with Spring's early difficulties in regaining form, but the club say it has no plans to replace Spring in the first-grade squad this early in the season. They say they expect it will take him several matches to start hitting his old stride.

Reigning Premiers and current table leaders Newcastle host Sydney.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 4
North New Zealand vs Perth (at Wellington)
Newcastle vs Sydney (at Newcastle)
Brisbane vs Darwin (at Brisbane)
Melbourne vs Adelaide (at Melbourne)
GoldCoast vs North Melbourne (at Gold Coast)
North Queensland vs Geelong (at Cairnes)
Greater Blacktown vs South New Zealand (at Blacktown)
Canberra vs Tasmania (at Canberra)
Illawarra vs Ipswich (at Wollongong)
Singapore vs Sunshine Coast (at Singapore)

Sunday, May 15, 2011

ARTTSL 2011 Premiership Table after Round 3 of 19



Newcastle On Top, Hotdog Maniac Ejected in Sydney

Newcastle lead the ARTTSL 2011 Championship after a third decisive victory, this time over the fancied Sunshine Coast in Maroochydore 11-3. The 2010 Premiers now have a +20 points difference after only 3 matches, an average win of 6.67 points per match.

Illawarra have continued their remarkable return to form, beating Sydney 12-10 in a thriller at Leichhardt Oval. The match was marred however by an Illawarra supporter who went berzerk and ran onto the field wielding a hotdog, chasing after ARTTSL President Wilkington Tuffy, who attended the match. Security staff managed to contain the assailant after chasing him around the table several times before finally realising that if one guard went one way and the other the other way they'd cut him off. Tuffy suffered some minor sauce splattering, but later laughed off the incident as the act of a man known to him, identified only as "Paul", who has been letting him know for some time about his frustrations with Tuffy's apparent appetite for revenue through food and merchandise sales. The price of hotdogs had been put up from $12.50 to $14 before the match. The manager of the food outlet, Coreen Saunders, said the price rise had been a direct order from Tuffy himself. Saunders was later fired for her comments.

Rebound Table Tennis Legend Jimmy Spring was again unable to help Perth clinch their first victory of the year, as the side narrowly went down 11-9 to Tasmania at home. Spring made some fundamental errors during his brief stint at the table and was quickly returned to the bench by captain Ian McGovern. The decision, while seemingly justified, appeared to cause some tension between Spring and McGovern.

Previous table leaders Canberra suffered their first loss of the season, going down 11-7 to 2009 Premiers Melbourne.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 3 Results
Melbourne 11 d Canberra 7 at Melbourne
Gold Coast 11 d Adelaide 4 at Adelaide
Tasmania 11 d Perth 9 at Perth
Darwin 11 d Singapore 9 at Darwin
Brisbane 11 d North Melbourne 6 at North Melbourne
Geelong 12 d North New Zealand 10 at Geelong
Ipswich 11 d Greater Blacktown 8 at Ipswich
Newcastle 11 d Sunshine Coast 3 at Maroochydore
Illawarra 12 d Sydney 10 at Sydney
North Queensland 11 d South New Zealand 9 at Christchurch

Thursday, May 12, 2011

ARTTSL 2011 Premiership - Round 3 Fixtures

Rebound Table Tennis Legend Jimmy Spring will make his first home appearance for Perth, again confirmed not to be captain and playing off the bench. He is however expected to see more game time this week as Perth play Tasmania. Both sides are yet to record a win this season.

Other highlights of the week include competition leaders Canberra travelling to Melbourne to play the 2009 Premiers. Adelaide host last year's runners-up Gold Coast, who languish at the bottom of the table aftet two big losses.

Meanwhile Sydney host Illawarra as both sides try to make it three wins from their first three matches in 2011. Illawarra are enjoying a great return to form after finished dead last in the 2010 ARTTSL Premiership.

ARTTSL 2011 Premiership - Round 3 Fixtures:
Melbourne vs Canberra (at Melbourne)
Adelaide vs Gold Coast (at Adelaide)
Perth vs Tasmania (at Perth)
Darwin vs Singapore (at Darwin)
North Melbourne vs Brisbane (at North Melbourne)
Geelong vs North New Zealand (at Geelong)
Ipswich vs Greater Blacktown (at Ipswich)
Sunshine Coast vs Newcastle (at Maroochydore)
Sydney vs Illawarra (at Sydney)
South New Zealand vs North Queensland (at Christchurch)

Sunday, May 8, 2011

ARTTSL 2011 Premiership Table after Round 2 of 19







ARTTSL Round 2 Results

Rebound Table Tennis Legend Jimmy Spring played a small role off the bench in Perth's second straight loss of the 2011 season, going down 11-4 to Canberra. The win is Canberra's second after two rounds, with their remarkable +17 points difference launching them to the top of the ARTTSL Premiership table.

In New Zealand, the local derby saw South New Zealand narrowly defeat North New Zealand 11-9 in Auckland. The only injury of the match was South New Zealand mascot The Big Peter Jackson, who injured his groin trying to crash-tackle his arch rival, North New Zealand mascot The Big Pippie, early in the second half. Jackson spent the remainder of the match on a chair but was able to whoop up the large Canterbury contingent in the crowd to get his side home.

In the other local derby of the round, new side Greater Blacktown almost pulled off a miracle when they led the more experienced Sydney 10-9 late in the match, only to go down 12-10 in extra time.

Last year's Grand Finalists the Gold Coast continued their poor start to the season, going down at home 11-5 to Melbourne, leaving them languishing at the bottom of the table.

Meanwhile 2010 Premiers Newcastle continued their great start to the season, crushing Darwin 11-3 in front of a capacity home crowd at Newcastle International Rebound Table Tennis Centre.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 2 Results
Melbourne 11 d Gold Coast 5 at Gold Coast
Illawarra 12 d Sunshine Coast 10 at Wollongong
Singapore 11 d North Melbourne 2 at Singapore
North Queensland 11 d Ipswich 6 at Townsville
Geelong 11 d Tasmania 9 at Hobart
Canberra 11 d Perth 4 at Canberra
Newcastle 11 d Darwin 3 at Newcastle
South New Zealand 11 d North New Zealand 9 at Auckland
Sydney 12 d Greater Blacktown 10 at Blacktown
Brisbane 11 d Adelaide 9 at Brisbane

Thursday, May 5, 2011

ARTTSL Round 2 Fixtures

Rebound Table Tennis Legend Jimmy Spring will travel with his new club Perth to play Canberra in the National Capital this weekend.


Perth have provided no further information except to confirm that Ian McGovern will remain as captain, while Spring will play off the bench this week, replacing round 1 reserve Marlon Pruitt.


Auckland will host the New Zealand local derby between North New Zealand and South New Zealand. No doubt their mascots, the Big Pippie and the Big Peter Jackson, will be at it again on the sideline.


Meanwhile in another local derby, Sydney will travel to Blacktown to take on new western Sydney-based club Greater Blacktown, who went down gallantly to Sunshine Coast in Maroochydore in the first ever match last weekend.


ARTTSL 2011 Premiership - Round 2:

Gold Coast vs Melbourne (at Gold Coast)
Illawarra vs Sunshine Coast (at Wollongong)
Singapore vs North Melbourne (at Singapore)
North Queensland vs Ipswich (at Townsville)
Tasmania vs Geelong (at Hobart)
Canberra vs Perth (at Canberra)
Newcastle vs Darwin (at Newcastle)
North New Zealand vs South New Zealand (at Auckland)
Greater Blacktown vs Sydney (at Blacktown)
Brisbane vs Adelaide (at Brisbane)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Late Mail: Jimmy Spring Signs With Perth

No further details are known at this time. More as it comes to hand...

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Gold Coast, Newcastle, Perth All Race To Sign Spring

Returning Rebound Table Tennis legend Jimmy Spring has been linked with three clubs: Gold Coast, Newcastle and Perth.

Spring's shock announcement that he plans to return to competitive Rebound Table Tennis seemingly did not fall on deaf ears, with all three clubs (and possibly more) reported to have offered deals.

Gold Coast are believed to be the front-runner, having reportedly offered Spring a contract including pay and endorsements totalling over $1 million. This would make Spring Rebound Table Tennis's first million-dollar player.

The question, of course, is how Spring would perform and if he really would be the silver bullet the struggling but cashed-up Gold Coast club would be hoping for.

A signing with Premiers Newcastle would no doubt further strengthen their credentials as 2011 favourites, while signing with Perth may lead to Captaincy disputes after the young Ian McGovern recently took over the Captaincy. Once source suggested that Perth had been aware of Spring's imminent return for some time and that McGovern was installed only as a caretaker captain while Spring prepared for his stunning return home.

Spring is expected to confirm a contract signing by tomorrow (Wednesday) to meet ARTTSL's registration requirements to be allowed to commence play in Round 2.



Rebound Table Tennis Legend Jimmy Spring