One Big Load of HYPErbull?

Rebel League Management Vanishes Overnight

The Rebound Table Tennis War appears to have ended before it really began, with National HyperBall League (NHBL) management disappearing overnight from their Collins St, Melbourne headquarters.

No notice or warning was given to any of the teams who were scheduled to take part in the 2010 NHBL season, which had continued to be officially scheduled to take place "Later this year", however at this stage in the year this was raising some serious doubts as NHBL management continued to apparently stall, and occasionally sent out glib and sometimes confusing press releases.

A brief statement on the NHBL website (hyperball-league.blogspot.com) simply indicates "We regret to inform our fans that the 2010 HyperBall League Championship will not go ahead", and goes on to cite "several irresolvable logistical and hyperlotastical (sic) issues", but does not go into any further detail.

Teams left in the lurch include all ARTTSL Second-Division sides - North NSW (was Tweed Heads), Darwin, Tasmania, Greater Blacktown, North Queensland, North Melbourne, Ipswich, Adelaide, Geelong. These teams defected to NHBL in July on the promise of inclusion in a First-Division competition and a better share of takings. These promises now appear to have proven to be unsustainable. Their negotiations have failed.

Meanwhile it seems almost certain that the Goulburn club established by NHBL will fold, having never played a ball in any Rebound Table Tennis competition. The local Council have indicated they may consider suing NHBL management for costs they've put into the fledgeling team, which had been struggling due to no funding support from NHBL and had even been practicing with "rolled up pieces of tin foil" for balls. However so little is known of NHBL management it may be difficult even to track them down.

Fans of several defecting clubs are said to be keeping vigil outside the deserted NHBL office, with placards saying things like "WHAT A LOAD OF HYPErbull" and "GIVE ME MY TEAM BACK YOU BASTARDS!"

ARTTSL President Wilkington Tuffy, who has been apparently leaning towards a compromise, was uncharacteristically stony-faced when met by a media throng this morning outside his Gold Coast holiday home. He simply gave the traditional "V for Victory" sign, in an apparent reference to having won the Rebound Table Tennis War, which could presumably now go down in history as a "War of Nerves".

NHBL clubs now face an apparent certainty of not playing any competition in 2010, and uncertainty as to their futures in 2011. With the NHBL challenge off the table, Tuffy is nolonger in a position to need to negotiate. Any deal could presumably now only be based on goodwill, or the good of the game. However there are also questions of the sustainability of allowing clubs to return, which would lead to an ARTTSL roster of up to 20 teams. A recent independent study commissioned by ARTTSL indicated that 12 to 16 teams was the most economically viable target range for professional Rebound Table Tennis in the Australasian region.

The situation is particularly nasty for the new North NSW club, the renamed Tweed Heads portion of the former Gold Coast-Tweed franchise, which split in July to join HyperBall. Gold Coast franchise management have not returned our calls or emails regarding whether they would consider a re-merger with the rebel Tweed Headians.

More as it comes to hand on this breaking story.

Mass Table Collapse in Delhi; Aussie Team Withdraws from Games

The Australian Rebound Table Tennis Squad have formally withdrawn from the Games after what is being described as a "mass, domino-style table collapse" in the new Rebound Table Tennis Stadium.

The team were near the end of their allotted one-hour session, in which teams were permitted to practice on the ten new competition-grade tables to become accustomed to them, when the collapse took place.

Perth player Ian McGovern, clearly still shaken from the incident, spoke to ARTTSL News outside the stadium shortly afterwards.

"It just came out of nowhere mate. One minute we were all practicing on different tables, next thing someone's maybe bumped a table up the end, maybe just nudged it you know nothing serious, nothing like what would happen in a big match, and down it goes. Ka-whump, and it hit the next one, and down it went too, then next thing, we're all like, shocked, looking at each other, then someone yelled 'RUN!', I can't remember who, but they were right 'cause next thing we're all literally running for our lives as the whole lot starts coming down, one after the other - whump whump whump, y'know. It sounded like a freight train. It's lucky noone was hurt. I mean I lost my best bat, the one I scored the winning point in the Pre-Season Trophy with actually, it got kind of pancaked in the table I was on as the backboard fell forward, but I'm more glad I got my hand out mate or I'd be suing the pants off 'em".

Asked if he was disappointed to be going home, a suddenly angry McGovern replied "Yeah. Yeah for sure. It's my first time representing the country. I was surprised to be picked in the first place and I was all revved up and ready to go. I'm gutted, truly. I guess I'll just have to wait for London 2012.... that's a long way off. Bloody hell, what a mess. I mean we knew they built them quick but you'd think they'd take precautions. What the hell did they use, toothpicks?!"

Given the seriousness of the collapse, it's likely the Australian withdrawal is just a formality as it seems unlikely authorities could arrange to re-build in time, and even if they did, it's unlikely anyone would trust that this wouldn't happen again. It appears Rebound Table Tennis will not be part of the 2010 Games.

The team is reportedly already en-route back to ARTTSL's Maroochydore headquarters, where they are expected to be briefed by officials before being released to return home.

The Australian team selection process was mired in controversy after ARTTSL went through with its threat to exclude players contracted to the rival National HyperBall League, shortly before the death of Bernard Elksteine.

Gold Coast-Tweed Book Grand Final Showdown with Newcastle

Minor Premiers Gold Coast-Tweed have redeemed their Quarter Final loss and booked a Grand Final showdown with Newcastle, breaking Sydney's 6-game winning streak in the Semi Final on the Gold Coast.

Both sides in fact came into the match having only lost once since Round 7. Both sides looked nervous as Gold Coast-Tweed served first and Sydney sent the ball skyward and out of the stadium. The game was scrappy early on as they battled to 5-5 at half time. It was unusual to watch as both these sides are normally very composed.

The second half saw the scrappiness continue as both sides made unforced errors as they progressed to 7-all. At this point Gold Coast-Tweed seemed to regain focus while Sydney continued to make errors. Gold Coast-Tweed moved to a 10-7 lead and finally won the match 11-8.

So after 71 matches and 1,324 points it comes down to arguably the two form sides who have traded the top two spots throughout the season. They have met twice on the Gold Coast and have won once each. It's a difficult one to pick, but Newcastle do tend to perform well at home, but Gold Coast-Tweed are a class side and will be hard to beat, however they will need to shake off the scrappy play they showed in overcoming Sydney.

ARTTSL President Bernard Elksteine has congratulated both teams on making the Grand Final, calling them the "cream of the crop" and stating these are the sorts of sides that deserve to be in ARTTSL's First Division, an apparent side-swipe at the Second-Divisions sides rumoured to be about to defect to the rival Hyperball League.

There is no further word of developments in Hyperball. There are fears however that they are preparing for a big announcement of team defections to take attention away from ARTTSL's Grand Final.

SEMI FINAL RESULT:
Gold Coast-Tweed 11 d Sydney 8 (at Gold Coast)

GRAND FINAL:
Newcastle vs Gold Coast-Tweed (at Newcastle)