Friday, March 9, 2018

'Bernard Elksteine' Arrested At Milsons Point

The man alleged to be the living Bernard Elksteine has been arrested in a dramatic raid by the Police and the Tax Office at Milsons Point.


Mounting credible allegations that Elksteine is alive and setting up operations at the upper end of the Harbour Bridge finally sparked officers into action early Friday evening.


A raid of the abandoned Government office under the bridge revealed an alleged industrial scale Rebound Table Tennis operation. 


Seized tables are loaded onto a truck
Police seized scores of industrial Table Tennis tables, and various caches of high power Table Tennis bats, some capable of returning a ball at up to 200km/h.  Several thousand reinforced Table Tennis balls were also seized, some clearly mangled by high force activity.


The alleged Elksteine was arrested on suspicion of violating North Sydney Council regulations relating to Rebound Table Tennis dojangs, as well as related charges in possessing bats that are classified as a weapon, and striking metallic Table Tennis tables that had sharp, poorly finished edges, despite being striking in appearance.


Elksteine's famed golden bats
Tax Officials also seized several items on the basis of Elksteine's large tax debt owing in Australia, including four golden Table Tennis bats, and a ball of steel, all resembling a gift given to the former Rebound Table Tennis supremo from socialite Esmerelda Chocolatine in 2009, as a favour for "being a remarkable man", driving the short-lived success of the Australasian Rebound Table Tennis Super League (ARTTSL).





Several individuals, described as shady characters, thugs, retired professional Rebound Table Tennis players, and Film Director turned former South New Zealand owner and mascot "The Big" Peter Jackson, were allowed to leave the scene after Police took their details.  They may be recalled for questioning in relation to a potential charge of Aiding an Illegal Rebound Table Tennis Dojang.
A similar table to those seized.
Reboundability subject to testing.


One of the men, who agreed to be interviewed, stated the charges were encroaching upon their civil liberties, saying that they were working on a start-up business and needed all the Table Tennis gear to "stay chilled during 19 hour work days". 


The man claimed they were playing full table Table Tennis, not Rebound Table Tennis, the latter having been associated with questionable social activity.  However, Police said the 'Rebound' technicality was to be investigated in more detail, including forensic inspection of the seized tables to see if they have been kept in the flat or half-upright position. When pressed on the nature of the startup business, the man said "Not sure, we just kept playing table tennis".




High calibre table tennis bats, able
to hit a ball at up to 200km/h, are
restricted in most western countries.


A spokeswoman for ARTTSL CEO Wilkington Tuffy said the raid produced clear evidence that Elksteine, as Tuffy earlier stated he'd feared, was preparing to launch a new form of Rebound Table Tennis, seemingly of the high power, high physical contact variety made infamous in parts of South America and west Africa.  It is possible Elksteine has been researching these more extreme forms of the game during his long hiatus.






Some of thousands of resin-reinforced
Table Tennis balls seized.
Thousands of documents were also seized by Tax Officials in the raid.

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