ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 18 Results

One week to go before the finals. Down to Sydney and Newcastle for Minor Premiership.

Top four is certain to be Sydney, Newcastle, Canberra, Gold Coast (not in that order).

Can Illawarra leap-frog Brisbane or Singapore for 8th place?

Greater Blacktown and Darwin are equal last on 8 points and play each other so they will effectively play off for the dishonour of the wooden spoon.

Angus will play more with Patsy, and we'll try not to play too much with that story, but we can never guarantee we won't be tempted to take another dip in the honeypot of Rebound Table Tennis controversy.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 18 Results
South New Zealand 11 d Geelong 8 at Christchurch
Newcastle 11 d Melbourne 4 at Melbourne
North Melbourne 11 d Greater Blacktown 4 at North Melbourne
North Queensland 11 d Darwin 4 at Darwin
Gold Coast 11 d Singapore 2 at Gold Coast
Adelaide 11 d Illawarra 4 at Adelaide
Ipswich 11 d Perth 6 at Ipswich
Canberra 11 d Brisbane 4 at Canberra
Sunshine Coast 11 d North New Zealand 6 at Maroochydore
Sydney 11 d Tasmania 8 at Sydney


ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 19 Fixtures
Greater Blacktown vs Darwin (at Blacktown)
North New Zealand vs Sydney (at Auckland)
Singapore vs Melbourne (at Singapore)
Brisbane vs Gold Coast (at Brisbane)
Tasmania vs Ipswich (at Hobart)
Perth vs South New Zealand (at Perth)
North Queensland vs Sunshine Coast (at Townsville)
Newcastle vs Adelaide (at Newcastle)
Illawarra vs North Melbourne (at Wollongong)
Geelong vs Canberra (at Geelong)

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 17 Results

Premiers Newcastle have stamped their authority as favourites for the 2011 Premiership with a hard-fought 11-9 win over 2010 runners-up Gold Coast (formerly Gold Coast-Tweed).

The match was neck-and-neck to 6-6 before the Gold Coast raced to a 9-6 lead, only for Newcastle to pull off a remarkable come-back by winning 5 consecutive service points to seal the match.

Sydney remain 2 points clear of stong-finishing Newcastle on top of the table, after crushing Perth 11-5. The match was most remarkable though for the late omission of Jimmy Spring from the side, apparently on the basis of poor performance, having failed to lift the side as expected this year, with Perth now languishing in 16th place, well out of contention for the finals. Perth have not commented on whether it will extend Spring's one-year contract, but sources indicate that it is possible they will elect not to. This would spell a sour end for Spring's comeback. The chances of yet another club signing him to take such a risk at his age seems unlikely to most.

Illawarra finally ended its 7-match losing streak with an 11-8 win over Melbourne in Wollongong. The win sees Illawarra sneak back into the top 8 again.

With two matches remaining, only Sydney and Newcastle are assured a place in the final 8. A close bunch of teams extends from Canberra (3rd) on 24 points down to South New Zealand (9th) on 20 points. Melbourne and North Queensland still have some slim hope of making the finals, if they can win both of their final matches and a few of those above them lose.

For all teams below 11th place, their hopes of playing September Table Tennis are dashed. North Melbourne have managed to climb off the bottom of the table after consecutive 11-7 wins over North New Zealand and North Queensland. The results should provide a boost for the club as it prepares for its second ARTTSL season in 2012. This leaves Darwin in last place on for-and-against behind Greater Blacktown.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 17 Results
Canberra 11 d South New Zealand 9 at Christchurch
Sydney 11 d Perth 5 at Perth
Illawarra 11 d Melbourne 8 at Wollongong
Tasmania 11 d Sunshine Coast 4 at Launceston
Adelaide 12 d Greater Blacktown 10 at Blacktown
North New Zealand 11 d Darwin 9 at Wellington
North Melbourne 11 d North Queensland 7 at Cairnes
Geelong 11 d Ipswich 9 at Geelong
Singapore 11 d Brisbane 6 at Singapore
Newcastle 11 d Gold Coast 9 at Newcastle



ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 18 Fixtures
South New Zealand vs Geelong (at Christchurch)
Melbourne vs Newcastle (at Melbourne)
North Melbourne vs Greater Blacktown (at North Melbourne)
Darwin vs North Queensland (at Darwin)
Gold Coast vs Singapore (at Gold Coast)
Adelaide vs Illawarra (at Adelaide)
Ipswich vs Perth (at Ipswich)
Canberra vs Brisbane (at Canberra)
Sunshine Coast vs North New Zealand (at Maroochydore)
Sydney vs Tasmania (at Sydney)

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 16 Results

3 weeks to go. Illawarra out of the top eight after 7 straight losses. Bugger. Lots of questions being asked down the coast. Seems Wayne Bennett's not the only one at risk of being hauled out of Port Kembla station on a flat-bed train carriage behind the Newcastle Express.

Newcastle v Gold Coast next week should be a cracker.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 16 Results
North Melbourne 11 d North New Zealand 7 at North Melbourne
Sunshine Coast 11 d Perth 6 at Maroochydore
Newcastle 11 d Brisbane 7 at Brisbane
Adelaide 11 d North Queensland 5 at Adelaide
Gold Coast 11 d Illawarra 4 at Gold Coast
South New Zealand 12 d Ipswich 10 at Ipswich
Tasmania 11 d Darwin 6 at Darwin
Sydney 11 d Geelong 3 at Sydney
Melbourne 11 d Greater Blacktown 9 at Melbourne
Singapore 11 d Canberra 9 at Canberra



ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 17 Fixtures
South New Zealand vs Canberra (at Christchurch)
Perth vs Sydney (at Perth)
Illawarra vs Melbourne (at Wollongong)
Tasmania vs Sunshine Coast (at Launceston)
Greater Blacktown vs Adelaide (at Blacktown)
North New Zealand vs Darwin (at Wellington)
North Queensland vs North Melbourne (at Cairnes)
Geelong vs Ipswich (at Geelong)
Singapore vs Brisbane (at Singapore)
Newcastle vs Gold Coast (at Newcastle)

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 15 Results

Only 4 weeks to go and former table leaders Illawarra are on the cusp of dropping out of the top 8 after 6 straight losses.

South NZ broke back into the top 8 by downing leaders Sydney.

Premiers Newcastle now looking able to challenge Sydney for P1.

Anyone got any news on Angus and Patsy? Apparently they missed Tassie's big win over North Melbourne in Hobart.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 15 Results
Gold Coast 11 d Greater Blacktown 4 at Blacktown
South New Zealand 11 d Sydney 7 at Christchurch
Perth 12 d Darwin 10 at Perth
Tasmania 11 d North Melbourne 7 at Hobart
Melbourne 11 d North Queensland 8 at Townsville
Newcastle 11 d Singapore 6 at Newcastle
Adelaide 12 d North New Zealand 10 at Auckland
Ipswich 13 d Canberra 11 at Ipswich
Geelong 11 d Sunshine Coast 8 at Geelong
Brisbane 11 d Illawarra 6 at Wollongong

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 14 Results

Hi all,

Wilkington Tuffy is on leave.

Here are the Round 14 results. Sorry I'm not very good at this. I'm normally the Groundsman.

Hey who saw the F1 last night? Great race. Seb stinks. Was cheering for Lewis, I feel dirty. But I'm the groundsman so you get that. Check out my new roses at ARTTSL HQ. Nice flower boxes too. Wilky might seem nicer than Bernie but he's still extracting hideous volumes of money from the dodgy Franchise Agreements with the teams.

Too much information?

Anyway I think this week's ARTTSL round was alright, not as important as last week. Illawarra lost again. North Melbourne are stuffed. Tassie got a win. Something about that Angus guy, I can't remember much I was drunk on the job at the time.

Regards,Glenathon McCrossan (A/Director)

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 14 Results
Gold Coast 11 d North Queensland 2 at Gold Coast
Tasmania 11 d Adelaide 7 at Adelaide
Greater Blacktown 12 d Brisbane 10 at Brisbane
Sunshine Coast 11 d South New Zealand 8 at Maroochydore
Perth 11 d North Melbourne 3 at North Melbourne
North New Zealand 11 d Melbourne 7 at Melbourne
Newcastle 11 d Canberra 6 at Canberra
Singapore 14 d Illawarra 12 at Singapore
Geelong 11 d Darwin 9 at Darwin
Sydney 11 d Ipswich 5 at Sydney

Round 13 Results: Sydney Crush Canberra To Go #1

In the most crucial round of the 2011 ARTTSL Championship Season, Sydney have crushed Canberra 11-5 in front of a packed house at the Aiser Arena.

Both sides went into the match as 1 and 2 on the table, having only lost one match each this year. The game looked to be evenly matched up to 3-3 before Sydney took control and won 7 consecutive points to leave Canberra floundering.

In the other big matches of the round, Newcastle stretched Illawarra's losing streak to four matches with an 11-7 win in Wollongong, while Brisbane surged late to beat North Queensland 11-9.

Albeit a narrow loss it saw North Queensland drop out of the top 8 again, with a bottleneck forming around the finals cut-off area with only 6 rounds to go.

Tasmania finally managed a long-awaited win, inspired by the surprise return of Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam and Patricia Elksteine from Europe, both sporting summer tans and looking relaxed, as the home side romped to an 11-5 victory. The rest of the Featherlite-Blowingpam family were again notably absent from the match, and rumours are swirling that they may be considering selling their beloved franchise to distance themselves from Angus's antics.

Next week sees another set of crucial matches, the highlight being the clash between 2nd-placed Canberra playing 3rd-placed Newcastle.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 13 Results
Brisbane 11 d North Queensland 9 at Cairnes
South New Zealand 11 d Darwin 7 at Christchurch
Gold Coast 11 d North New Zealand 2 at Wellington
Perth 14 d Adelaide 12 at Perth
Ipswich 11 d Sunshine Coast 7 at Ipswich
Tasmania 11 d Melbourne 5 at Launceston
Geelong 11 d North Melbourne 9 at Geelong
Newcastle 11 d Illawarra 7 at Wollongong
Singapore 11 d Greater Blacktown 3 at Blacktown
Sydney 11 d Canberra 5 at Sydney

Round 12 Results: Planets Align for Round 13 Showdowns

The planets seem to have aligned as we look towards Round 13 of the 2011 ARTTSL Championship, which coincidentally will see 1st (Canberra) play 2nd (Sydney), 3rd (Newcastle) play 4th (Illawarra), and 5th (Brisbane) play 6th (North Queensland).

Mathematician Paul Thompson says it is not necessarily an entire coincidence, but that there may be an underlying numerical symmetry in the way the draw was programmed. "This can happen when automatically generating draws. One way to overcome this is to randomly shuffle the rounds as a fine step, but it seems Wilkington Tuffy didn't consider this, unfortunately. This is probably also why there were few top-of-the table clashes in the earlier rounds of the season".

The match of Round 12 was Canberra's epic win over Illawarra in Canberra. Canberra jumped to an early 5-2 lead before Illawarra squared it 5-all at half-time. Canberra made another break to 9-6, only for Illawarra to claw back again to square it 10-all. The sides then traded points on serve until Canberra finally prevailed 16-14.

In the other major clash, North Queensland consolidated their place in the top 8 with a hard-fought 12-10 win over Singapore. By contrast Singapore have now slipped out of the top 8.

Canberra and Sydney are now 4 points clear of their nearest rivals as they prepare for their Round 13 clash. No doubt the winner will be clear favourites to secure the Minor Premiership with just 6 rounds to go after this weekend, before the finals series.

Tasmania now languish 19th on the table after a dismal 11-5 loss to the Gold Coast. Meanwhile Angus and Patsy remain unaccounted for. Recent rumours suggest they may currently be continuing their holiday in Cyprus, having been tracked down by the media in Spain.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 12 Results
Darwin 11 d Ipswich 9 at Darwin
Melbourne 12 d Perth 10 at Melbourne
Adelaide 11 d Geelong 9 at Adelaide
Newcastle 11 d Greater Blacktown 6 at Newcastle
North New Zealand 11 d Brisbane 5 at Brisbane
Gold Coast 11 d Tasmania 5 at Gold Coast
Canberra 16 d Illawarra 14 at Canberra
North Queensland 12 d Singapore 10 at Singapore
Sydney 12 d Sunshine Coast 10 at Maroochydore
South New Zealand 13 d North Melbourne 11 at North Melbourne

Featherlite-Blowingpam Underwear Photo Released

An undisclosed source has defied the still-active suppression order and released the long-awaited photo of Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam dancing in his underwear at the Normanby Hotel in Brisbane in June this year.

Featherlite-Blowingpam and Patricia Elksteine remain unaccounted for since apparently boarding a Europe-bound plane in Singapore two weeks ago.

The alleged second photo, of Featherlite-Blowingpam and Elksteine dining in Sydney, has yet to surface, however as the couple have since gone public with their relationship the holder of the photo may see little value in holding it.

ARTTSL Championship 2011, Round 12 Fixtures

The match of the round sees previous table leaders Illawarra, undefeated for 9 rounds before losing two in a row, travelling to Canberra to play the new table leaders.

After breaking into the top 8, 7th-placed North Queensland will try to keep on their roll against 8th-placed Singapore.

Struggling Tasmania travel to the Gold Coast to play the strong but inconsistent 2010 Grand Finalists. They still haven't found Angus and Patsy either.

ARTTSL Championship 2011, Round 12 Fixtures
Darwin vs Ipswich (at Darwin)
Melbourne vs Perth (at Melbourne)
Adelaide vs Geelong (at Adelaide)
Newcastle vs Greater Blacktown (at Newcastle)
Brisbane vs North New Zealand (at Brisbane)
Gold Coast vs Tasmania (at Gold Coast)
Canberra vs Illawarra (at Canberra)
Singapore vs North Queensland (at Singapore)
Sunshine Coast vs Sydney (at Maroochydore)
North Melbourne vs South New Zealand (at North Melbourne)

Round 11 Results: North Queensland Break Into Top 8

North Queensland have finally broken into the top 8 after beating 2010 Premiers Newcastle in a 14-12 thriller in Townsville.

Illawarra have continued their slide, losing their second match of the season 11-9 to lowly-placed expansion side Greater Blacktown in Blacktown.

Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam and Patricia Elksteine were notably absent from Tasmania's 11-7 loss to Brisbane in Hobart. The couple are now rumoured to be holidaying in Amsterdam on a "serious drug binge".

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 11 Results
North Queensland 14 d Newcastle 12 at Townsville
Greater Blacktown 11 d Illawarra 9 at Blacktown
Brisbane 11 d Tasmania 7 at Hobart
South New Zealand 11 d Adelaide 9 at Christchurch
Sydney 11 d Darwin 8 at Sydney
North New Zealand 11 d Singapore 8 at Auckland
Ipswich 11 d North Melbourne 9 at Ipswich
Geelong 11 d Melbourne 8 at Geelong
Perth 14 d Gold Coast 12 at Perth
Canberra 11 d Sunshine Coast 7 at Maroochydore

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 11 Fixtures

In the match of the round, after toppling the previously-undefeated Illawarra last weekend, North Queensland hope to finally break into the top 8 with a win over 2010 Premiers Newcastle in Townsville.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 11 Fixtures
North Queensland vs Newcastle (at Townsville)
Greater Blacktown vs Illawarra (at Blacktown)
Tasmania vs Brisbane (at Hobart)
South New Zealand vs Adelaide (at Christchurch)
Sydney vs Darwin (at Sydney)
North New Zealand vs Singapore (at Auckland)
Ipswich vs North Melbourne (at Ipswich)
Geelong vs Melbourne (at Geelong)
Perth vs Gold Coast (at Perth)
Sunshine Coast vs Canberra (at Maroochydore)

Round 10 Results: North Queensland Break Illawarra Win Streak

North Queensland are the team to finally bring Illawarra's unbeaten run in 2011 to an end, defeating the table leaders 11-6 in Wollongong.

The result drops Illawarra to 3rd on the table, behind new leaders Canberra and second-placed Sydney on points difference. It also elevates North Queensland to 9th on the competition table, poised to break into the top 8, being only 9th on points difference and having hovered just out of the top 8 since Round 1.

Tasmania suffered another double-embarrassment, losing 11-6 in Singapore and in the meantime losing track of Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam and Patricia Elksteine, who attended the match, again against family wishes, then returned to the airport and disappeared. The couple are rumoured to have boarded a flight to Paris for a romantic getaway to escape the intense media scrutiny of their private lives.

Canberra were lucky to hold on and take the competition lead after a titanic struggle with now-19th-placed Greater Blacktown saw them just scrape home 12-10.

Sydney also just scraped home 12-10 against a resurgent North Melbourne, after intially taking an comfortable half-time lead of 7-3.

The Gold Coast continued their inconsistent form in 2011 with a significant 11-4 loss to Geelong. The result sees Geelong surpass the Gold Coast on the table, with the teams now 7th and 8th on the ladder respectively.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 10 Results
Brisbane 11 d Perth 9 at Brisbane
Melbourne 11 d South New Zealand 8 at Melbourne
Canberra 12 d Greater Blacktown 10 at Canberra
Sydney 11 d North Melbourne 9 at North Melbourne
Newcastle 11 d North New Zealand 5 at Newcastle
North Queensland 11 d Illawarra 6 at Wollongong
Adelaide 11 d Ipswich 8 at Adelaide
Singapore 11 d Tasmania 6 at Singapore
Geelong 11 d Gold Coast 4 at Gold Coast
Darwin 11 d Sunshine Coast 7 at Darwin

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 10 Fixtures

Brisbane vs Perth (at Brisbane)
Melbourne vs South New Zealand (at Melbourne)
Canberra vs Greater Blacktown (at Canberra)
North Melbourne vs Sydney (at North Melbourne)
Newcastle vs North New Zealand (at Newcastle)
Illawarra vs North Queensland (at Wollongong)
Adelaide vs Ipswich (at Adelaide)
Singapore vs Tasmania (at Singapore)
Gold Coast vs Geelong (at Gold Coast)
Darwin vs Sunshine Coast (at Darwin)

Henry Bird Interviews Illawarra Coach Aaron Merriman

Respected Rebound Table Tennis columnist Henry Bird sat down with Illawarra coach Aaron Merriman to talk about his side’s amazing start to the season, recent scandals that have rocked the sport, and crooner Tony Bennett! Here’s what he had to say…

Henry Bird: Aaron. What a turn-around. From wooden spooners in 2010, to undefeated table leaders after 9 round in 2011. What’s the secret?

Aaron Merriman: The secret? OK there are a few, I might get to some, but most of all we’ve just been playing great Rebound Table Tennis. Really focussing on the basics you know, keeping the ball in play and not getting too fancy except at the right time. Last year we were often guilty of being fairly erratic and trying to win each point too quickly. Young Jammie Maybin was a great off-season signing, he comes off the bench and adds the spark we needed at the right time.

HB: And the secret?

AM: OK, maybe there aren’t many. (pause) Alright there’s one I’ll tell you. Remember the reports the Goulburn HyperBall side were practicing with rolled up tin-foil because they couldn’t afford table tennis balls? Well, we heard about that and we had an idea: What if we try it, just for fun. And we found when the players practiced that way for a few days, then switched back to regular table tennis balls, the re-simplification meant their game just lifted.

HB: Any insights on how that worked?

AM: Well I think the re-simplification as I said, and I suppose it’s like the young Bradman practicing with a cricket stump and a golf ball against a water tank, you force your eye to become more attuned. I’m really happy with it, it’s a bit of an innovation which contributes to the sport overall, we’ll share that technique more at the end of the season maybe… may if we win the Premiership. Maybe.

HB: You were facing relegation to Second Division at the end of last season. All the Second-Division sides defected to HyperBall. Were you ever tempted to join them?

AM: Well personally no, I never consciously thought to be tempted, but we were tempted as you might say by external forces. We had visits from nameless HyperBall reps, not only at the club they came to my house, and a few of the players’ houses. It was pretty bizarre. They tried on the honey and the vinegar. First they’d make an offer to sign you personally, then when that didn’t work they’d offer to pay you under the table to lobby the club to defect, then when you still refused they’d start suggesting if we didn’t defect they’d make us all redundant by setting up a rival side in the Illawarra region. At one point they said they’d look at acquiring the West Wollongong Rebound Table Tennis club and building it into a viable side.

HB: You’re joking? They thought West Wollongong could field a viable professional side? It’s just a local amateur dojo with about 20 players.

AM: They were crazy times. I think they were desperate. And in the end our solidarity with ARTTSL was vindicated because we weren’t left high and dry with no funding for several months like the clubs that initially defected. To be honest I think they were bloody lucky Wilky (ARTTSL President Wilkington Tuffy) accepted them back and didn’t just scrap them, well except Tweed Heads, who were the worst of them after the split with the Gold Coast, seriously they had it coming. It’s ironic we played with tin foil anyway but that was our choice, our finances were just fine the whole way through. I think by rejecting the distraction we were able to get on with developing our team in the off-season and now here we are top of the table after nine weeks. It’s a nice feeling. We played it with a straight bat so we can hold our heads up. Also I suppose it’s worth adding that we knew if we stayed true ARTTSL would probably spare us the relegation to Second Division, which turned out to be somewhat true as they abolished the whole concept.

HB: What do you make of the Featherlite-Blowingpam scandal?

AM: I think it’s all bullshit. (stops to sip his coffee, then waits patiently for the next question)

HB: No other comment?

AM: No. Well OK I just think that Angus is a little snot who needs to be sorted out, and his parents have a lot to answer for. It's your typical Baby Boomer/GenY disaster story. It’s dragging the whole sport down. Tasmania were like the other defectors, they’re lucky to still be here. They should be more appreciative of what they have and get their house in order. I heard that Angus passed out next to the spa the other day from intoxication, if someone associated with this club did that they'd be out the door. Those distractions mean you're less likely to win games, they're 16th on the table I think and even that's probably more than they deserve.

HB: Right. Well moving on. Um. What next?...

AM: You seem to have lost your place…

HB: Yeah sorry, um, oh… I understand the team’s had some inspirational words from (crooner) Tony Bennett. How did that come about?

AM: (laughs) It wasn't the plan. We were actually hoping to get (St George Illawarra coach) Wayne Bennett in to say a few words to the boys, but Margaret on the front desk doesn't know much about Rugby League...

HB: ... what, so she called Tony Bennett?!

AM: No, she actually called Tony Barber, but when he answered she said "Hi, is that Tony Bennett?" Well, it turns out Tony Barber has Tony Bennett's number on his mobile for just such occurrences - it happens a lot apparently - so he gave her Tony Bennett's direct number. Tony Bennett was confused but intrigued, he knows nothing about Rebound Table Tennis as a professional sport so thought he'd take the gig to find out more. Apparently he's a bit of a garage ponger himself. So we got the team in the boardroom and teed up a teleconference. Tony spoke to them about what it takes to be successful, how he overcame adversity, all the usual stuff. Then he did a rendition of our club song, "Who? Illawarra!" over the phone in his classic style. It was pretty bizarre and we had a bit of a chuckle afterwards. I think Margaret saw the funny side mostly. Actually I've heard Tony Barber took her to lunch as she's a big fan and was disappointed he wasn't coming to the club himself.

HB: Aaron Merriman, thanks for your time.

AM: No wuckers.

Featherlite-Blowingpam-inspired Tassie Cause Near-Boilover

Tasmania have almost produced the upset of the season in a dramatic clash with Newcastle in Launceston.

The controversy-racked Featherlite-Blowingpam family went through with their decision not to attend the match, to avoid the media spotlight, all that is except young Angus, who arrived unexpectedly five minutes before the match with Patricia Elksteine.

The couple formally outed their relationship and answered media questions after the match, but not before the Angus-inspired Tasmania players almost toppled 2010 Premiers Newcastle, running away to an early 5-2 lead. Newcastle, however, rallied and just scrambled home for an unconvincing 12-10 win.

The Featherlite-Blowingpam family were reportedly shocked at Angus's surprise attendance but such is becoming the norm for the unpredictable young Angus.

Meanwhile over in Wellington, Illawarra stretched their unbeaten run to 9, comfortably defeating North New Zealand 11-4.

The in-form Gold Coast continue their climb up the ladder, now sitting in 6th place after accounting for South New Zealand 11-4 in Christchurch.

At roughly the half-way point in the season, a small breakaway group seems to be forming at the front, comprised of Illawarra (18 Points), Canberra (16), Sydney (16), Newcastle (14), Brisbane (12), Gold Coast (12). Behind them the competition is fairly tight, stretching back to six teams equal-last on 4 points. The race for the last few top-8 positions is shaping as an interesting one as we head towards the business end of the season.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 9 Results
Canberra 11 d Darwin 4 at Darwin
Newcastle 12 d Tasmania 10 at Launceston
Geelong 11 d Brisbane 4 at Geelong
Singapore 11 d Perth 3 at Perth
Ipswich 11 d Melbourne 8 at Ipswich
North Queensland 11 d Greater Blacktown 9 at Cairnes
Gold Coast 11 d South New Zealand 4 at Christchurch
Sunshine Coast 11 d North Melbourne 4 at Maroochydore
Sydney 11 d Adelaide 4 at Sydney
Illawarra 11 d North New Zealand 4 at Wellington

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 9 Fixtures

As we head towards the half-way point in the regular season, undefeated table leaders Illawarra travel to Wellington to play 13th-placed North New Zealand.

The Featherlite-Blowingpams will allegedly miss their Tasmania franchise's match with 2010 Premiers Newcastle to avoid further media scrutiny, until the scandal involving their son Angus and Patricia Elksteine blows over. If so it will be the first time the entire Featherlite-Blowingpam family have missed a match since Tasmania entered ARTTSL competition as Hobart in 2009.

ARTTSL Championship 2011, Round 9 Fixtures:
Darwin vs Canberra (at Darwin)
Tasmania vs Newcastle (at Launceston)
Geelong vs Brisbane (at Geelong)
Perth vs Singapore (at Perth)
Ipswich vs Melbourne (at Ipswich)
North Queensland vs Greater Blacktown (at Cairnes)
South New Zealand vs Gold Coast (at Christchurch)
Sunshine Coast vs North Melbourne (at Maroochydore)
Sydney vs Adelaide (at Sydney)
North New Zealand vs Illawarra (at Wellington)

Stupendously, Illawarra Win Again! Angus F-P Watches On

Illawarra have taken their unbeaten run in the 2011 ARTTSL Championship to eight matches, this time beating the controversy-racked Featherlite-Blowingpam-owned Tasmania 11-5 in Wollongong.

Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam, recently romantically linked with the late Bernard Elksteine's widow Patricia, was this time present at the match, having last week allegedly been photographed dancing in his underwear at the Normandy Hotel in Brisbane. Angus appeared mostly detached as he sat beside his staunch mother, Greteska Featherlite-Blowingpam, family matriarch, and appeared to feign a conversation on his mobile phone when reporters approached him at the end of the match.

Meanwhile the Gold Coast finally broke into the top 8, defeating Ipswich 11-7 at home.

Both Canberra and Sydney are holding on to Illawarra's coat-tails just one win (2 points) behind, having accounted for North Queensland 11-7 and Melbourne 11-7 respectively.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 8 Results
Gold Coast 11 d Ipswich 7 at Gold Coast
Sydney 11 d Melbourne 7 at Melbourne
Geelong 12 d Singapore 10 at Singapore
Darwin 12 d North Melbourne 10 at North Melbourne
North New Zealand 11 d Greater Blacktown 4 at Blacktown
Canberra 11 d North Queensland 7 at Canberra
Illawarra 11 d Tasmania 5 at Wollongong
Adelaide 12 d Sunshine Coast 10 at Adelaide
Newcastle 11 d Perth 9 at Newcastle
Brisbane 11 d South New Zealand 5 at Brisbane

Wilkington Tuffy Hospitalised With Pneumonia

ARTTSL President Wilkington Tuffy is the latest celebrity to be hospitalised with pneumonia.

ARTTSL Management released a short statement indicating the President will be in hospital for a number of days but competition will continue as normal. Tuffy continues to work from his bed in Sydney's Westmead Hospital.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 8 Fixtures
Gold Coast vs Ipswich (at Gold Coast)
Melbourne vs Sydney (at Melbourne)
Singapore vs Geelong (at Singapore)
North Melbourne vs Darwin (at North Melbourne)
Greater Blacktown vs North New Zealand (at Blacktown)
Canberra vs North Queensland (at Canberra)
Illawarra vs Tasmania (at Wollongong)
Adelaide vs Sunshine Coast (at Adelaide)
Newcastle vs Perth (at Newcastle)
Brisbane vs South New Zealand (at Brisbane)

BREAKING NEWS: Has Patricia Elksteine Found New Love?

Photographs have surfaced of Patricia Elksteine, widow of late Rebound Table Tennis Supremo Bernard Elksteine, dining and looking "more than happy" with soldier and socialite Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam.

The photographs, which allegedly show the couple enjoying fish and chips with an "unidentified companion", were submitted to several major newspapers late last week, however their publication has been withheld after ARTTSL President Wilkington Tuffy successfully applied for a Suppression Order through the Supreme Court on the basis that they would hurt the ARTTSL brand.

The photographs allegedly show the couple enjoying fish and chips "and each other", at the Aquarius Seafood Cafe in Sydney, as they appear to be a couple in the early stages of an intense relationship.

Angus is a relatively young member of the prominent Featherlite-Blowingpam family, which owns the ARTTSL Tasmania franchise. The family is also well known in social circles and Angus, approximately 15 years Patricia Elksteine's junior, is a full-time member of the army.

Angus is known to be "shy and well-mannered", however he is also prone to moments of poor judgement. As such the scandal deepened on Sunday night as Angus was allegedly photographed dancing in his underwear at the Normandy Hotel in Brisbane with members of the Brisbane ARTTSL side. He was as such notably absent from Tasmania's match with Greater Blacktown at Hobart, in which they went down narrowly 11-9. These photos are also covered by the current Suppression Order.

The Suppression Order suppresses the release of all photos related to the scandal, however legal advice indicates such Orders are frequently overturned on appeal. Wilkington Tuffy spoke briefly to the media.

"Patricia Elksteine's romantic life is her own business, however the Featherlite-Blowingpam's are owners of an ARTTSL Franchise so I would like to keep this situation under control until we can look into any risks of conflict of interest arising from such a relationship. That's my job as ARTTSL President, I need to protect the interests of Patricia Elksteine and the brand her late husband built so successfully. I'd like to speak to Patricia to clarify the matter but haven't been able to as yet, but I expect she'll contact me in due course. Once this is all resolved I strongly recommend we leave them to conduct their lives as they wish. I hope the photographs are destroyed".

Bernard Elksteine was found dead in his Maroochydore home in July 2010, after dying of a heart attack. However rumours have since arisen that he is alive and well in Morocco, having faked his own death. Patricia Elksteine has to date been reported to be in deep state of mourning and unable to leave the house for long periods of time. She has also frequently stated publicly that she believes Bernard did not die of a heart attack, but was murdered by one of his many enemies in the Rebound Table Tennis world.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 7 Results

Illawarra have miraculously pulled off their seventh straight victory, again by 2 points, this time against Perth.

The visitors looked in trouble down 5-2 before rallying to win 3 straight points, taking the match to 5-all at half time. Perth again pulled slightly ahead but Illawarra came back to 9-all then toook the final two points to win 11-9.

Meanwhile previous table leaders Brisbane suffered their second-straight defeat, this time thrashed by Ipswich in a lop-sided Brisbane local derby. The result was also marred by its connection to an as-yet-unclarified scandal involving a member of the Featherlite-Blowingpam family, who apparently danced in his underwear at the Normanby Hotel while partying with the losing Brisbane side. Rumours are swirling linking young Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam to Bernard Elksteine's widow, Patricia Elksteine.

Featherlite-Blowingpam was as such notably absent in Hobart as his family's Tasmania franchise went down 11-9 to Greater Blacktown.

Adelaide finally managed their first win of the season, comfortably beating Darwin 11-5. In the process Adelaide lifted themselves off the bottom of the table and handed the provisional wooden spoon to Darwin on points difference.

ARTTSL Premiership 2011, Round 7 Results
Adelaide 11 d Darwin 5 at Darwin
Ipswich 11 d Brisbane 3 at Ipswich
South New Zealand 11 d Singapore 8 at Christchurch
Illawarra 11 d Perth 9 at Perth
North New Zealand 11 d North Queensland 6 at Auckland
Sydney 11 d Gold Coast 4 at Sydney
Canberra 11 d North Melbourne 7 at North Melbourne
Greater Blacktown 11 d Tasmania 9 at Hobart
Sunshine Coast 11 d Melbourne 9 at Maroochydore
Newcastle 11 d Geelong 4 at Geelong