Sunday, July 12, 2015

Angus's Temper No Featherlite

Video has also surfaced of a young Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam showing a characteristic brain snap.

Filmed in 1998 at the NSW Full Table Tennis Championships, the video may have been leaked to show that the former soldier's recent angry outbursts have not been driven by media attention, as ARTTSL's communiques have claimed.

The leak could be traced back to Elksteine niece, Harmony, who may be seeking to shed negative light on Patricia Elksteine ahead of an attempt to wrest back her inheritance.



Elksteine Niece Continues Flipout in Texas

Harmony Elksteine has been filmed ranting at a book store clerk in Austin, Texas, days after her arrest for attacking a drive through attendant at a nearby McDonald's.

The niece of Rebound Table Tennis supremo, Bernard Elksteine, was not re-arrested, however the evidenced may affect her trial for the former offence, for which she is to appear in court in August.

Ms Elksteine was once the darling of the Rebound Table Tennis circuit, and was expected to inherit the empire from her childless "Uncle Bernie", prior to his marriage to Patricia Elksteine.


Saturday, July 11, 2015

Elksteine Niece's McFlipout in Texas

The niece of Bernard Elksteine, rumoured to be off the rails and on the chicken, has been arrested in Austin, Texas.

The arrest ralates to the video linked below showing Harmony Elksteine attacking a McDonald's drive through operator after being refused nuggets based on the time of day.

Ms Elksteine was close to her Uncle, hence the screams "Do you know who I am?!", and was shocked to have been excluded from his will at the time of his now-disputed death.


Friday, July 10, 2015

Player Revolt in Wake of Elksteine Revelations

The 2015 ARTTSL Championship is in tatters after player walked off the table en-masse yesterday.

The revolt relates to revelations that Bernard Elksteine is indeed alive, with ARTTSL Management chasing him to return to the fold.

Rebound Sports Union Secretary Sam Williams (pictured) led the walkout.  "We don't trust Bernard Elksteine.  Last time he was in charge things were all over the place, we were being relegated and merged and no one knew if they were coming or Illawarra.

"I believe that's why he was killed wasn't he?"

The final comment is now the subject of a separate police investigation.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Rudd Hits Out in Perth

Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has been photographed in the famous Jimmy Spring Dojo playing a friendly game of Rebound Table Tennis.

The game yesterday with ARTTSL Director or Facilities, Wharlon Michaels. further fuels speculation that Rudd may be in line for the top job, parallel to rumours that Bernard Elksteine is still alive.

When questioned later, Rudd simply said, "I don't mind a hit of table tennis.  It doesn't mean anything".

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Body Not Elvis, Not Elksteine

The body in the grave of Bernard Elksteine is not that of the former Rebound Table Tennis supremo.

The exhumation and autopsy were undertaken under court order following a submission by the Australasian Rebound Table Tennis Super League (ARTTSL) to the Coroner.  ARTTSL reportedly presented "overwhelming evidence" that Elksteine faked his death five years ago, as long speculated by many.


The precise evidence presented by ARTTSL has not been disclosed, but it is believed to relate to an "exponentially increasing" number of claimed sightings of Elksteine in Morocco.

ARTTSL are believed to have enlisted private investigators, who tracked the subject to a chicken farm outside Rabat.

Autopsy Specialist Dr Matthew Lookoverglasses (pictured) confirmed his findings in a brief interview outside Maroochydore hospital.  "That body is no more Bernard Elksteine than it is Elvis Presley.  Bernard, was never in the building".

Tensions between ARTTSL management and its owners - Elksteine widow Patricia, along with her flamboyant partner, Angus Featherlite-Blowingpam - have reached boiling point.  ARTTSL Director Wilkington Tuffy is reportedly strategising to annul Patricia's inheritance, then convince Bernard to return to Australia and return Rebound Table Tennis to its former glory.

Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has denied he has also been approached by Tuffy as an alternative supremo should Elksteine prove to be dead or unwilling.

More to come.